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Friday, June 12, 2009

Either He Is or He Isn't

I wrote a few weeks ago about discovering I'm still a little miffed at God for taking my Dad before I was ready.

I was going through a short study on the life of King David.  The teacher had said if we're wondering why the next great thing hasn't happened in our lives, maybe we have some work to do in the present.  (The next great thing can mean different things to different people.  A new adventure of some kind.  A new job.  A new baby.  Finding your soul-mate.  Finding peace in singleness or finally figuring out your calling, whatever that may be.)

I'm not waiting for the next great thing, because I truly feel like I'm in the middle of something great rearing my children and caring for Grandaddy, but I also knew she'd struck a chord about me be devastated by God.  I don't want to have my heart break every time I think of my Dad or other losses.  I know I'll always miss them, but I don't want to be mad about it, for heaven's sake! Faith is NOT defined by God doing what I tell him to.  Otherwise, it's not faith at all.

In studying God's Word, I was taken back to some Biblical truths like:

God is good.
God is holy.
God keeps his promises.
God is unbelievably gracious.
And, what God does is always consistent with who He is.

Not only does He say all these things in His Word over and over, my LIFE is living proof of these truths.

Sometimes I need to hear the truth said in different ways by different people with different illustrations. At the same time this study was going on, I finally read "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young.  My heart and mind were challenged on almost every page.  To quote a beloved friend, "It bent my brain!"  I hope to write about other things I wrestled with in the book, but regarding my need to move on from my broken heart, I'll share some excerpts that opened my heart a little.

The main character goes through a devastating loss and has the chance to say to the God-character, "You may not cause those things, but you certainly don't stop them." (Hhhmmm..this sounds familiar.)

The God-character answers:

There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story....your choices are not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.

In other words, God is bigger than I am.  I know, I know.  It's an old precept.  God is bigger. His ways are higher.  As well they should be if He's a god worth His salt! We cannot possibly understand how each person's story and choices and circumstances intertwine with hundreds of others. It made me think of those trillion piece puzzles where it looks all fuzzy up close, but when you stand back you can see a beautiful scene.  I am a puzzle piece and I can only see a couple of dozen puzzle pieces from my little dot on the map.  But, it's God that sees the beautiful scene.  He's the ONLY one who created all the pieces, holds them in His hands and knows where they all fit.

On the next page, He goes on to say:

The real underlying flaw in your life is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything -- the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives -- is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.

So, for me it comes down to this: Do I trust that God is trustworthy or do I trust that He is not?

We were asked to consider when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, "Would Lazarus question why he died in the first place?"  NO!  He walked out of that tomb and rejoiced!  I want to rejoice even when I don't understand, don't you?

Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading. Oswald Chambers

I do love the One leading, because He first loved me.  (I John 4:19.)



  1. Kristin,
    I have been enjoying your blogs. It is a good way to keep up with all of you.

    I tried to send a couple of pictures of the Race for the Cure in St. Louis today, but my e-mail to you came back. Could you send me your current e-mail to


  2. I love your blog!
    & I love learning about you & the fam!
    & I also love that oswald chambers quote (i'm borrowing it!)
    I just lovelovelove you!! :)