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Monday, February 23, 2009

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Stage, Pt. 2

So, I'd said yes to singing.  I couldn't back out.  (I let my fear do that once already a few years ago and I'm pretty sure they only let you get away with that once.) But let's say you feel like it's more than a talent and God has called you to do your "thang."  Say you're still shaky. Then what?

What we learned about Esther is that while she did what she had to do, she was NOT totally comfortable about it. Here's the paragraph the following week's study that fueled my courage:

Esther did what she needed to do, clearly the will of God, but not as one perfectly collected and confident. Do we believe that the only way to do something acceptably is to do it perfectly? Sometimes God is more aware than we are of just how much He requires of us. He knows how hard it's going to be for us. Perfectionism can be debilitating. After all, what would have happened if Esther had waited to go to the king until her hands stopped shaking and her heart stopped pounding?

I'm not suggesting we shouldn't do our best. I'm simply saying that sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart IS our best and in those times God is not ashamed of our performance. He's proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will. God isn't interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities.

Amen! So, at least in preparation to sing this song, I had a prayer to pray other than, "please don't let me screw up!"

She walked us through an exercise where we filled in our own blanks. Put our own deepest fears out there and play them out to the end. 

Let's say I did miss a note. Let's say I lost my breath control or forgot the words. What would really happen? I would get back on track with the words. I would probably sing the rest of the notes ok. The bottom line is, I would be embarrassed, which is so painful for vain people like me. I would feel like a failure. Ok. Then what? Well, then I'd go home and fix lunch for my family and still be embarrassed when I thought back on it. Ok. Then what? Well, then I'd get up on Monday and teach school or play with my kids. I'd think about it less and less. Would I be asked to sing again? Maybe. Maybe not. What would happen if I wasn't asked to sing again? I'd still sing in the pews and for my kids. What would happen if I was asked to sing again? I'd probably go through this whole cycle again and do ok again. The world would not stop.

That's the point: that the world does not stop, no matter what happens or how bad things seem.
 
I know my little insecurity is trivial compared to some other fears out there or what I'm apt to face in the future. Fear of your teenager not coming home one night. Fear of your spouse falling in love with someone else. Fear of dying with the latest prognosis. Fear of the physical pain of the treatment for the latest diagnosis. Fear of bankruptcy. As hard as they are, the world doesn't stop with those things either. If any of those things happen, God will still be God and He will still take care of me.

What are you afraid of? Do you think the God who raised His son from the grave won't be able to handle the one thing you're afraid of?

Powerful, huh?

I'm so weak....I was still afraid.

More tomorrow....

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4 comments:

  1. I love reading what you write. And, I love listening to you sing. And, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!! I leave in less than 48 hours!!!

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  2. this has had me in tears - in a good way. :) Preach it, girl!

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  3. This, my friend, was great. It really spoke to me. And you were awesome Sunday, no question.

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