So Much for Valentine's Day Secrets

With Valentine's Day falling on a Sunday this year, and hectic Friday, Saturday and Sunday schedules this weekend, my best opportunity to get flowers for Kristin was Friday after work.

I had another Kristin-approved errand to run on the way home Friday, so that bought me a little time to run by a locally-owned florist called Mary M's. I picked up a dozen roses there and then headed home for our first date in ages.

Katie the baby sitter was already there when I arrived. I walked in the house and noticed that Kristin was helping one of the kids with something. So, I took the opportunity to hide the flowers in the laundry room. Then, I told her to go on out to the car while I went to the bathroom. After hearing the garage door shut, I ran back into the laundry room, grabbed the flowers and then called Katie and the kids together. They were more than happy to put the flowers into one of the crystal vases we got as a wedding gift. (My mother told her every bride needs a vase big enough for a dozen roses.) I asked Katie to put the flowers in Dell's closet when the were done.

Kristin had a meeting Saturday morning. So, after she left, I brought the flowers out of Dell's dark closet to get some sun. I asked the kids to help me remember to put them back when she got home. We saw her turning into the drive way, so I ran into Dell's room with the flowers while the kids went to greet her. As I'm hiding the flowers, I hear Ava open the door and say in one of her screaming whispers, "Don't see the flowers, Mommy!"

I went ahead and brought the flowers out, and Kristin loved them. She thanked me and said something like, "This will give me another day to enjoy them." So, all's well that ends well. However, am I ever going to learn that three year olds aren't very good with secrets?

Gooder 'N Snuff

Living with another person can be hard. And, if you're selfish and controlling and particular, like me, it can be really hard. I've come to laugh about this now, but I can tell you it took a while.

I've written before about how Grandaddy takes care of his own needs for the most part. He'll eat my cooking only occasionally so we dance around each other in the kitchen at meal time.  Admittedly, he tries very hard to "get outta y'alls way" if he thinks he's in it.  For instance, if it's Wednesday night, he waits until we're finished eating because he knows we're headed out to church.  Same on Sundays.

As I said, it's a bit of a joke now, but it seemed like I would get everyone fed and dressed in their finest and head to the bathroom to get myself ready.  When I open my bedroom door on Sunday mornings the wave of smoke that hits me is astounding.  He cooks everything on high, so the toast is crispy and the pork is burnt.  I was sitting on my couch last week as he'd just sat down with his breakfast.  The sun helps me tell the story...


Can you see the haze INSIDE my house?  And, that's all the way toward the front door...TWO rooms from the stove.

So, I apologize to my fellow church goers if I smell like burnt sausage on Sundays.  I do get irritated.  I double the perfume or skip it all together some times. I want to take away his cooking privileges on some days.  But it's all worth it when he makes me look him in the eye and says, "Kris, you're gooder 'n snuff and not nigh as dusty."

Bonus points if you remember the comic strip that line is from.  

Apple's Business Model

It's well known that Steve Jobs is a devoted fan of The Beatles. He's referenced them during several keynote speeches and in a 60 Minutes interview. When asked about his business model during the interview, he replied...

"My model for business is The Beatles: They were four guys that kept each other's negative tendencies in check; they balanced each other. And the total was greater than the sum of the parts. Great things in business are not done by one person, they are done by a team of people."

I've referenced this quote during presentations and in several meetings at work. I also intend on talking to the kiddos about the quote when they get older because I believe it sums up nicely several time-tested, universal principles that are as applicable at home as they are in the workplace. 

To be continued...

Either He Is or He Isn't

I wrote a few weeks ago about discovering I'm still a little miffed at God for taking my Dad before I was ready.

I was going through a short study on the life of King David.  The teacher had said if we're wondering why the next great thing hasn't happened in our lives, maybe we have some work to do in the present.  (The next great thing can mean different things to different people.  A new adventure of some kind.  A new job.  A new baby.  Finding your soul-mate.  Finding peace in singleness or finally figuring out your calling, whatever that may be.)

I'm not waiting for the next great thing, because I truly feel like I'm in the middle of something great rearing my children and caring for Grandaddy, but I also knew she'd struck a chord about me be devastated by God.  I don't want to have my heart break every time I think of my Dad or other losses.  I know I'll always miss them, but I don't want to be mad about it, for heaven's sake! Faith is NOT defined by God doing what I tell him to.  Otherwise, it's not faith at all.

In studying God's Word, I was taken back to some Biblical truths like:

God is good.

God is holy.

God keeps his promises.

God is unbelievably gracious.

And, what God does is always consistent with who He is.

Not only does He say all these things in His Word over and over, my LIFE is living proof of these truths.

Sometimes I need to hear the truth said in different ways by different people with different illustrations. At the same time this study was going on, I finally read "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young.  My heart and mind were challenged on almost every page.  To quote a beloved friend, "It bent my brain!"  I hope to write about other things I wrestled with in the book, but regarding my need to move on from my broken heart, I'll share some excerpts that opened my heart a little.

The main character goes through a devastating loss and has the chance to say to the God-character, "You may not cause those things, but you certainly don't stop them." (Hhhmmm..this sounds familiar.)

The God-character answers:

There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story....your choices are not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.

In other words, God is bigger than I am.  I know, I know.  It's an old precept.  God is bigger. His ways are higher.  As well they should be if He's a god worth His salt! We cannot possibly understand how each person's story and choices and circumstances intertwine with hundreds of others. It made me think of those trillion piece puzzles where it looks all fuzzy up close, but when you stand back you can see a beautiful scene.  I am a puzzle piece and I can only see a couple of dozen puzzle pieces from my little dot on the map.  But, it's God that sees the beautiful scene.  He's the ONLY one who created all the pieces, holds them in His hands and knows where they all fit.

On the next page, He goes on to say:

The real underlying flaw in your life is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything -- the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives -- is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.

So, for me it comes down to this: Do I trust that God is trustworthy or do I trust that He is not?

We were asked to consider when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, "Would Lazarus question why he died in the first place?"  NO!  He walked out of that tomb and rejoiced!  I want to rejoice even when I don't understand, don't you?

Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading. Oswald Chambers

I do love the One leading, because He first loved me.  (I John 4:19.)

Men Say the Darndest Things

So, we've been having this conversation about maybe getting a flat screen TV.  LCD...HD...blue something...I don't know all the technical jargon.  What I know is that my man wants one.  

He really likes to think through things and talk about all the pros and cons, so we can make a wise choice.  It doesn't matter to me what kind, when or how much.  I'd be happy with the one we have until it explodes and I'd be happy with a new one.  (Not that I'm naturally a content or agreeable person, I just don't happen to care about TV stuff.)  But, I was game for the analysis.

One of my points was, I don't know that it makes sense to get such a fancy TV for me to watch my two TV shows a week.  (Grey's Anatomy and Dancing With the Stars, if you must know.)

So, Brian, in all seriousness, asked me, "Well, what shows do you watch during the day?"

LOOOOOOOONG pause......

Does anyone else think that is HILARIOUS!?!?!  Because, surely, he was joking.

Right?

Yes, Jesus Loves Them

Every Fall, our church organizes a service event called "Carefest."  Many churches have something similar.  It's where lots of people sign up and sort of swarm on the town -- helping schools, parks, missions, and other not-for-profits accomplish projects that they never could on their own.

Brian started taking Samantha when she was just 3.  This year, they ended up at the Hannah House together.  Hannah House is a comprehensive residential program for pregnant women and teenagers.  There was work to do inside and out.

Our friend Mark found us at church a couple of Sundays ago and told this story:

Somehow I ended up outside with a handful of little people. (They do tend to flock to him.) The kids, including Sam, were spreading out mulch and working in the flower beds. At one point, one of the little girls asked, "Why are we doing all this anyway?"

There was no one around to impress or to prompt a good response.

Sammie replied, "We are showing people that Jesus loves them."

Amen and Amen.

Excuse me, sir? You forgot the eyeballs on our ice cream.

Phrases like this are a sure sign that it's the end of summer around here. In our college town, the students are back and are clearly in training.

There's a little ice cream dive called The Chocolate Moose that sells "torch cones". My kids instantly adored them because each cone comes with a pair of candy eyes. I instantly adored them because they are actually kids' sized and Brian instantly adored them because they are only 25 cents! (35 if you get a special chocolate or cherry dip.)

We took one of our trips there Friday night and the poor guy at the booth handed me two blind torches. So, I had to say, "Excuse me, sir? You forgot the eyeballs on our ice cream."

Brian loves Fall. And, I suppose if there were no change in seasons, I could never appreciate Summer as much. But, I LOVE summer.

I'll miss some of these Summer-only moments:

Popscicle faces and sprinkler races.
Will these girls always stay so sweet?
Go ahead. Guess what's in the coffee cup.
Ahhhh...paintin' the fence with Daddy. Don't you love a man who's brave enough to give a three year-old a paintbrush? (The back side of the fence, that is. The side no one can see. )
Old-fashioned rides at the county fair.
Hi-tech rides at the county fair. HA!  They did say this was their favorite. Something about it looking like an M & M.
Painting on the patio.  Their object was the swing set.  I wish I had photos of their abstract art. Then again, you may be glad I don't.
Working on landscaping in the bright, bright sunshine.  A perfect reason for a five year-old to use her parasol.
Landscaping in the 98 degree heat.  Really the ONLY reason a girl in her late 30s should ever wear pig tails.
Picnics on the front lawn. (Shirts optional.)
Banana pudding on the front porch with friends. (They always seem to know the perfect time to drop by on a Summer evening.)

So, now we say good-bye to sprinklers and picnics, swimsuits and fairs. Good-bye to Summer.

And, good-bye to ice cream with eyeballs. 

He Knows How You Feel

I've talked to some Mom friends of mine, older and younger, with babies and grown children, who have been discouraged lately.  About the choices their children are making or have made or the attitudes they display or the silence that screams at them.

Beth Moore, a favorite author and speaker of mine encouraged me in my young parenting by saying this:

God knows the intense pain of intense love.  If you are a parent, you have already experienced fear, vulnerability, and pain.  And the Father hasn't missed one second of your parenthood.  If you have a child who is rejected by his peers, God knows how you feel. If you have a child who is not beautiful to look upon, He knows how you feel (see Isa. 53). If you have a child who has been betrayed by her friends, He knows how you feel.  If you have a child who has begged you to "fix" something you could not fix, He knows how you feel.  If you have a child who is suffering, He knows how you feel. If you have a child who is dying, He knows how you feel. If you have buried a child, He knows how you feel.  He's been there, too. However, there is one big difference. He could have changed every bit of it. But He didn't. For you and me.

God loved no mother on earth more than the one He chose for His Son.  Yet she was unable to hold Him in her grasp for as long as she wished.  You who are richly loved, do not give up. (from Living Beyond Yourself, a study of the fruit of the Spirit.)

Someone point me back this way when I'm challenged in parenting!

Plain Truth

Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult is set in present day Lancaster, PA.  It's a story about Ellie, a high-profile attorney, who has taken on a murder case in which a newly-found Amish cousin has been accused of killing her newborn. As part of the bail agreement, Ellie has to live in the Amish community and never leave her cousin's side until the trial.  For a full review, click here.

I always love to see a mystery unravel, but I especially liked this book because it gave me a glimpse into the Amish way of life.  They call themselves "plain".  Individuality is idolized in our society.  But to be Plain, the last thing you do is call attention yourself or even give compliments to another, setting you or anyone else higher than the others.  It's hard to understand given all the reading I've done about building each other's self-esteem and having self-confidence.  

One little excerpt made me laugh and I even stopped to read it aloud to my husband.  The Amish family was eating dinner with their new "English" cousin at the table.  She observed:

The Fishers laughed and talked in their dialect, helping themselves to food when their plates were empty.  Finally, Aaron leaned back in his chair and let out a phenomenal belch.  My eyes widened at the breach of etiquette, but his wife beamed at him as if that was the grandest compliment he could ever give.

I can't tell you how much my family must enjoy my food.  (Especially Grandaddy!)

Over and over, I was reminded of the old adage that actions speak louder than words.  They should call themselves "Quiet," if you ask me.  Very few words, but a LOT of work.  At one point an Amish son, who was excommunicated for studying at an English college, comes to a realization that he's waited for years to hear his father say, "I'm sorry," but that's not how they communicate.  Apologies or forgiveness comes by way of returning to the routine, working side by side.  By moving ahead once a punishment has been dealt.  Confess your sin, repent, you are forgiven...now move on.  Sound familiar? No analyzing things to death or seeing a counselor for years.  Things were worked out by living them out, so to speak.  A lot of work and not so many words.  Is there a lesson in there for me?  Hhhhmmmm....

The author wraps it up like this:

In the English world, people sent condolences and wrote email and exchanged valentines.  In the Amish world, sympathy came in the form of a visit, love was a look of satisfaction cast across the dinner table, help was hands-on.

 Remember the movie Amadeus from the late 80s?  The king, an amateur musician at best, criticizes Mozart by saying, "There are too many notes."   Sometimes, I think in my life, there are too many words.  I could learn a thing or two from the Amish.

Do you ever fail to make contact in an awkward or difficult situation because you just don't know what on earth to say?

The Bible wraps it up like this:

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

Is there a time when someone didn't have all the right words to say, but you knew their love because of something they DID?  Got any great examples of love in action?  Leave a comment and tell me about them. I have some examples I'll post soon.

Kindergarten Schedule

We created a schedule with four columns, one for each of us -- Sammie, Chase, Ava and me.  It's divided into half hour increments.  (Mine starts before 7:00 and ends at 10:00 and I may post it someday, if anyone is interested.) If we're still home schooling in ten years, it will probably be divided into 15 minute increments and not have so many gaps.  We're at a stage where every minute does not need to be accounted for.  Sammie is so creative that we build in free time, so that she can learn through her own imaginative play time.

I love this quote from Albert Einstein: "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."  

7:30 Dress and get ready for the day

8:00 Breakfast

8:30 Computer Time (pbskids.org or other educational and fun websites)

9:00 Morning Chores (make bed, brush hair/teeth, pick up toys in room)

9:30 Video (usually something educational from library)

10:00 Outside time with siblings

10:30 Family Walk

11:00 Reading Time w/ Grandaddy (click here for list we'll go through)
11:30 Special All-Age Activity (this could range from craft to VBX music to kicking a soccer ball around orange cones)

12:00 Sam and Ava have one on one time while Chase is my lunch prep helper

12:30 Lunch and clean up

1:00 PM Chores (set table for supper, sweep in dining room, vacuum Grandaddy's room)

1:30  Sing, Spell, Read & Write  (while Ava naps and Chase has a special on-his-own activity)

2:00 SSRW continuation (games or color sheets)

2:30 Math U See

3:00 Sam and Chase play together downstairs

3:30 Snack time

4:00 Spanish (while Chase has play time in his room)

4:30 PBS television (Fetch is current programming at this time in Indiana)

5:00  Sammie is my supper helper (younger kids play on bikes in garage)

5:30  Free time or fancy supper prep time

6:00 Supper and clean up

7:00 All kids have Daddy time (I'll let him blog about the fun stuff he does then)

7:30 PJs and story time (kids choose books)

8:00 Family Bible reading (Brian and I are working through the One Year Bible.  It's supposed to be daily, but we don't always do it that way.  Ava will be asleep and we thought it would be a good way for the kids to wind down to listen to us read aloud. This leads right into prayers and bedtime at 8:30.)

So, you can see that reading, writing and arithmetic only takes up about an hour and a half, but there is so much learning going on all day long!

While this schedule seems definite, it's got a lot of flexibility built in.  We may alter it depending on how the kids do.  We also may alter it sooner since Brian has some neat ideas about what to do with our time once he begins coming home earlier from work.  I'll let you know if those become routine.  

You'll notice "school work" is scheduled for the afternoon.  That's specifically so that we can do our grocery shopping, errands and co-ops in the morning on their scheduled days.  And we can't forget the flexibility that having Grandaddy with us requires.  He's in very good shape for his age and we can plan ahead frequently, but for those other times, I'm glad we're doing things this way.

I won't post about school every day, but I do plan to let you know tomorrow how Sammie's first day of Kindergarten went.  Any bets?  Think it will go as scheduled?  Will she love it?  Will I love it?  

Chatty "Kathy"

Our little Ava Kathryn is quite the talker for a 22-month old baby.  (I have no idea where she gets that.)

She climbed up the bar stool the other day to help me break the green beans we got from the Amish.  (You may call it "snapping beans" in your neck of the woods.) I was breaking off the ends and she was snapping them in pieces.  

Here's how the conversation went:

(Snap)

"Mo, peese."

"Here you go."

"Dant doo."

"You're welcome."

(Can't get one to snap.)

"Haoop."

"You can do it."

(Snap)

"Dot it."

"Mo, peese."

"Here you go."

"Dant doo."

"You're welcome."

(Can't get another to snap.)

"Haoop."

"O.K., I'll help." (Snap.)

"Yeah, Mommy." (With clapping.)

Nevermind the beans, I just wanted to eat her up for dinner.

Tomato Warning

We had a tornado warning for a short while on Friday night, so the kids and I hung out in the basement finishing some chores while we waited for Daddy to get home from his week-long trip and for the storm to pass.

Whenever it thunders, Ava says, "Storm, mama."  But sweet Sammie comforts her.

I tried to explain to the kids that the winds wouldn't hurt us in the safety of our basement.  So, lots of conversation about "tornado this" and "tornado that."

We came upstairs when it was over and I heard Chase tell Sammie, "We need to go back downstairs, Sam, or the tomato might see us!"

You Know They Like You When...

There was a reptile show at the campground where we stayed last week.  It was an hour and half long and our Sammie was loving every minute.  They showed (and let you touch....eeeewwwww) turtles, frogs and snakes.  

Here's what she said she learned:

"You know the snakes like you when they go around your neck."

Misquotes

One of the best parts about having "new talkers" around is hearing how THEY hear things grown ups say.

For instance, we got a DVD of old westerns for my grandad, so we've introduced our kids to The Lone Ranger.

Chase, 2 1/2, keeps asking to watch the Wrong Stranger.

Quotes That Change My Heart

I read.  I used to read a lot.  Quit reading (except parenting books) when Baby #1 was born over five years ago.  Started again about six months ago.  I LOVE TO READ!  So, you'll find that some phrases stick with me...and maybe I won't repeat them over and over again in person if I can spell them out for you here.  So, here's the first post of many quotes, I'm sure.

This one touched me as a stay at home mom.  (Yes, I know I'm supposed to write SAHM, but I'm just not THERE yet!)  How many times have I said to myself over the past five years, "Aren't I supposed to be doing something ELSE?"  Referring, of course, to the endless diapers and dishes and revolving door between kitchen, laundry room and changing table.

Check out what Gary Thomas explains in the book Sacred Marriage.

I remember my brother asking me a few questions about what marriage was like.  I thought for a moment and said, "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question -- stay single.  Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married.  Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

Jesus, of course, was celibate his entire life, so it's somewhat ironic to suggest that marriage is the preferred route to becoming more like him.  But Jesus did live in a family and as Betsy Ricucci points out, that's all he had done at the time the Father proclaimed, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:17).  "What had Jesus done to receive such praise?  Nothing but live in his own home, honoring his parents and serving his father's carpentry business.  Apparently that was enough to please God."*

Does that strike anyone else like it struck me?  He was "doing His thing."  Every day.  Eating, praying, bathing, carving wood, saying "Hi, Mom," and "Yes, Dad." And God was pleased.  Not just pleased.  WELL pleased.

Lord, will you be pleased with my day tomorrow?  I'm going to feed everyone three or four times, clean the kitchen three or four times, change a few diapers, hopefully do a load of laundry, go through the mail, so I don't miss any bills and will try to remember to say, "Hi, Honey" to my honey.  

Please be pleased.  

*Used by grace, since I didn't ask permission.