A Letter to Sammie

I'm not good at words of affirmation. I wonder if my friends realize this about me? I can encourage in short bursts. So, if we only chat on the phone every now and then or I only see you a few times a week, you may not know this. 

It's become abundantly clear to me as I parent: I see what needs to be fixed or improved and usually only comment about that. Regular, specific words of encouragement are REEEEEAALLLYYY hard for me.  (I'm sure that was apparent to Brian long before we had kids!)

Anyway, we've really struggled with Sammie the last few weeks. She's so kind and forgiving and sharing to everyone outside our home, but has little patience or respect for those inside our home.  She knows the way to behave, words to say or not say. I'm seeing more and more that what she truly thrives on, I'm quite horrible at giving. How can I fill in that gap? So, I've been praying about what to do. Since I'm much better and writing my thoughts than speaking them, I decided to write her a letter spelling out the qualities I love about her. 

Dear Sammie,                                                September 18, 2013

      I wanted to write in black and white, for you to keep forever, how much I love you.

      I know you feel like we only point out what’s wrong or what you need to work on. We’ve tried to explain until we’re tired of hearing ourselves talk that it’s part of our job. I believe that is true, but I know I can do much better at reminding you of all the things you do well and encouraging you in all of your gifts and talents – of which there are many! I really am working on saying more positive things than pointing out corrections. Please be patient with me as I try to consistently grow in this way.

      You really are such an amazing blessing to me and to our whole family. You have such a generous spirit; always wanting to make things or do things for your friends. When this quality spills into your brother and sister, it’s like a sweet perfume filling our home.

      I don’t know why I still shake my head in amazement at your creative ability in the kitchen! You’ve been this way since you were a little, little girl. Always wanting to stir, add something else, try some new combination of foods. That boldness in experimenting will serve you well in life. I expect to see you on the cover of a cookbook someday! Sammie’s Sumptuous Suppers!

      When you create a new lotion, face scrub or lip gloss, I wonder, “Will she grow up to make women all over the world feel beautiful?” What a precious, precious gift! When you build a doll bed out of duct tape and cereal boxes or form an entire miniature Italian meal out of modeling clay, I wonder, “Will Sammie grow up to bring joy to young girls and their love for dolls and all things small?” That too, would make me so proud.

      Many people say, and have said since you were tiny, “She looks just like you.” And I’ve noticed as you’ve grown into the sweet young lady that you are, that you are like me in many ways. (Good and bad – sorry about that.) You and I can bless our friends in big ways by doing small acts of kindness and in the very next moment, snap at those dearest to us because our selfishness rears its ugly head. I imagine we’ll both have to work on that the rest of our lives.

      When you were 5, you sang “The B-I-B-L-E” at three different services in our huge church. I knew then you were gifted musically. Then, about five years later, I remember the first time I heard you singing, when you didn’t know I was listening. You weren’t singing to impress anyone. Just singing a meaningful song, from your heart, the very best you could. I got teary-eyed at your pure tone and sweet voice. The ease with which you’ve picked up piano, coupled with your sense of timing and pitch, make me wonder what God will do with these precious gifts. Do you ever wonder?

      Your outer-beauty should probably go without mentioning, but I can’t help it. You’ve been given your father’s beautiful eyes and you look so much like my mother when I look at pictures from way back then. It’s truly uncanny. Your quirky fashion sense only serves to enhance what God gave you naturally.

      What a treasure you are!  I’ll never say it enough, I know. But I hope to remind you more and more, so you believe it from the inside out.

                                    I love you,

                                                Mom

As I lay in bed last night, I thought of all the things I should've added. Like her graceful athleticism and sheer smarts at her age are impressive to me. I figured the world will boost her ego enough on those fronts, but also realized these messages could become a regular part of my encouragement to her.

I'll ask her in 20 years if it mattered to her.

Are there gaps in your parenting style that your kids really need to thrive? 

Long Hair, Big Heart

Sammie has been growing her hair for some time now, so she could donate it to a company that makes wigs for cancer patients.







Pantene will take 8 inches and Locks of Love will take 10 inches. It's easy. It's free. And, it could add some smiles to an otherwise crazy hard place in life.

I'm proud of my girl. And, I'm praying she's always on the giving end of this gift.

A Roundoff from Sam, and A Dive from Chase

We bought a new Canon digital camera that also shoots high-definition video, which is ideal for occasions like Sammie's final day of gymnastics camp. Of course, a camera is only good if the battery is charged. On this day, unfortunately it wasn't, but I didn't realize it until it was too late. I missed her demonstration, but was able to get this post-show roundoff thanks to my handy Droid...

A week or so later, while Dad was staying with us for a while, Kristin took the kids to Bryan Park pool on a weekday. The kids had taken swim lessons earlier in the summer, and Sam and Chase were ready to swim on their own...in the deep end. They wanted to go down the slide, and jump off the diving board, but they needed to pass the lifeguard's swim test first. They both passed with flying colors. Here's what happened next. Thank the Lord that Dad's new smartphone doubles as video camera, too. Listen to Kristin's commentary. Priceless.

Original American Girls

To celebrate our sweet niece's birthday and the special friendship that Samantha and Lilly share, my sister-in-law Kate and I set out on an adventure to the American Girl Doll Store in Chicago.




















One of the many reasons for this adventure was to show Sam Chicago. To show her you can serve yogurt and granola in something other than paper bowls! Dream big, baby! And, yes, by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin, I rode the giant ferris wheel. We all were challenged in our own ways!




See the photo of Sam next to a poster of Lanie? She really wanted that doll! Now, look at the photo below of Sam with her own "Just Like You" doll (in the hand-made dress from Shipshewana -- thanks Grandma!) I told her we were not going to spend $100 on a doll that looked just like the one she already has.















































After we made all the necessary purchases, we had lunch at the AG Cafe. Since Samantha's doll had an appointment at the salon to have her hair done, she was able to borrow Felicity to join us for lunch. We thought the desserts were precious -- butterfly cookies and dirt cups with daisies.

You'll notice that Sammie wanted her hair done like her doll's. Thank God for Aunt Kate -- because dear Mommy couldn't figure it out! The girls were so excited about the fancy bathroom that their heads were literally spinning!

Kidspeak Continued

Kristin wrote a great post on September 2008 called Kidspeak. It's Sunday night, and I'm tired and lazy. So, I'm viewing this as a addendum to her post...

It probably has something to do with the fact that they've watched quite a few of the Star Wars episodes of late, but the kids, especially Sam and Chase, love to sword fight. As they were battling last week, we overheard Sam say to Chase, "Do you want a piece out of me?" (Instead, of course, of, "Do you want a piece of me?")

All of the kids love to jump off of the furniture. As she jumped off the bed recently, you could hear Ava bellow, "Blast over!" (Instead of "blast off.")

Ava sneezes and then says aloud, "Bless me." (Instead of "Bless you" -- which her Mom says, so I'm not sure it counts as a misquote.)

This may not fit exactly with the angle of this post, but it was recent and very funny...

The kids typically meet me at the end of the driveway each day as I come home from work. Chase and Sam like to help me drive, and Ava typically prefers to sit in the back seat (although, of late, she's been wanting to help me drive, too). On Friday, it was Chase's turn to drive. We were pulling into the garage as Kristin came out to greet me with, "Hey handsome." Before I even a chance to process her remark, Chase had already responded with, "Hey."

I'm just scratching the surface here. It seems like there are 2 - 3 publishable misquotes per day in the Arnold casa. We can't capture them all! Boy, I wish we could -- with HD video. Does anyone else have any funny misquotes from their kiddos?

Sam's School Day -- Friday, April 16, 2010

I took the day off from work Friday to watch the kids, and homeschool Sam, as Kristin took part in Chrysalis (Thursday p.m. - Sunday p.m.). Thanks to Kristin for setting up Sam and me for success.

Here's Sam's first-grade homeschool workload for posterity:

Philippians 1:1-11. I read this passage to the kids. We talked about Paul's references to "joy."

The Usborne Book of World History. I read pg. 87 to the kids -- "The end of the Roman Repbulic." Sam talked about Julius Caeser and Augustus Caeser.

Leading Little One to God. I read lesson 80 ("The Lord's Supper") to the kids.

Math work sheets: sums ("match each sum to a letter to answer the riddle"), counting by 10s to connect the dots from 10 - 100, subtraction (2-digits and problem solving) and 3-digit mystery number.

Critical thinking/logic: story-time logic ("At the ice cream shop, Ben, Chan and Maria each...") and pet logic ("Alex, Betty, Chad and Dena each brought a pet...")

Spanish: Sam completed her next Rosetta Stone lesson on her own. (She even calibrated the headset/microphone to Kristin's Apple Powerbook on her own. She's getting quite skilled with a computer.)

Reading: Sam read chapters one and two of Betsy Byars' Tornado. After finishing her reading, we pulled out her dry-erase map and outlined tornado alley. I also read her chapter 11 of Henry Winterfeld's Detectives in Togas ("A hilarious whodunit in ancient Rome.").

Profiles: I read pages 157 - 164 of George Muller – The Guardian of Bristol's Orphans.

(I'm going to read all of this fascinating account.)

Music: piano lessons from Piano Wizard Academy book two (ex. Big Ben, It's Midnight)

I'm looking forward to seeing Sam continue to blossom. It's amazing how much she's learned already. I'm thankful for getting to take part in her education on Friday.

Good Question

As a stocking stuffer at Christmas, one of us got Love Talks. It's a spiral-bound conversation starter for families.  We set ours on the dining room table and ask one once a week or so when we've run out of things to share. Questions like what one dessert would you choose if you could only have one the rest of your life or if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be.

The other night the question was this:  If you could ask God anything what would it be? 

Without hesitation, Sammie said, "When are you coming back down?"

Yes, Other People Get to Name Your Fruit

A sweet friend gave us a clever Christmas gift: a dinner plate tastefully painted with fruit on it. Attached to it, a small envelope with this on the outside:  

Set this plate at the table for a family member who has exhibited the Fruit of the Spirit. Challenge everyone to show these characteristics and to look for them in one another. Parents AND children can reward one another with this plate when they see the Fruit of the Spirit lived out.

Inside the envelope are nine place cards, each with a specific fruit and examples of it lived out all based on the Galatians passage: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Enter Samantha.  The creative, crafty, observant one.  When asked to set the table, she often creates place settings with flowers, cut out pictures, etc.  A few weeks ago, she got out the fruit of the Spirit place cards and gave each of us one.  Here's how it played out:

• Chase: Gentleness -- showing tenderness to others; being thoughtful and careful with little children; being able to respond with calm words.
  
• Ava: Faithfulness -- being a true and loyal friend or family member; sticking up for others; keeping your promises.
  
• Samantha: Goodness -- doing the things that are right and good, even when no one is watching; making good choices.
  
• Daddy: Patience -- being able to wait calmly for something that is expected, even when you are so excited on the inside that you could explode.
  
• Mommy: Self-control -- choosing not to give in to the powerful urge to speak or act in ways you know you shouldn't; or overcoming a bad habit or tendency.

I asked her why she chose each one, expecting her to give some exemplary behavior we'd exhibited.  Instead, she said, "I gave each person the thing they need to work on."

OUCH!

She said I need to work on not raising my voice at her when I get frustrated.  

Earlier in Matthew, Jesus is clear when he says, "By their fruit you will know them."  No one knows us better than those with whom we share a roof.  So, a little self-control with my tone of voice is what I'll be working on in the coming months.

What place card would your family give you?

A Winter Swim

After the roads were cleared from our six inches of snow last week, we drove to town to run errands.  As we neared downtown, Sam noticed a window display and said, "Mom, they're already selling bathing suits in that store!"

I looked up in time to notice she was talking about the Garden of Eden -- Adult Fantasy Boutique.

Bathing suits, indeed.

CareFest 2009

CareFest is one way that our church, Sherwood Oaks Christian Church (SOCC),  tries to live out James' call for a faith in action (James 2:14-17). It's a one day event where hundreds of SOCC volunteers do projects for Bloomington schools, social service agencies and city government with no strings attached. 

The informational brochure touched on one of the by-products of the event for our kids: "This is a great opportunity for families to serve together and teach children the value of serving others."

Last November, Sammie and I served together at Backstreet Missions and the Crisis Pregnancy Center/Hannah House. We went back to CPC/Hannah House this year. We were fortunate enough to have Chaser join us this year!  I power washed outside, worked in the yard and painted. Chase split his time between helping me and working with Sammie and few others to make a "diaper cake" and crafts for upcoming baby showers. 

At prayer time that night the kids said one of their favorite parts of the day was "helping the babies." They also loved the pizza that was served afterwards! I'm looking forward to seeing God's plan for Sam, Chase and Ava unfold before our eyes. I'm hopeful that acts of service will be a big part of each of those plans.

P.S. Brad Pontius came around to take pictures when Chase was outside and you were still upstairs, Sammie. Also, Mom, yes...I know that I'm getting a bald spot on the top of my head. I've had it for 5 years, if not more! 

The Day School Came

I ordered all Samantha's 1st grade curriculum at once, so the day it came in the mail was a very big deal.  It was a VERY big box o' books.  The kids had a ball taking them out one by one and looking them over.

Sonlight ships their books in a box you can turn into a pirate ship or a castle. This was Chase's favorite part of Sammie's school box.  Sam did the decorating.  Chase did the sword fighting.

Time and time again, Chase asked things like, "Which ones are my school?"  "Is this one my school, Mom?"


Since I have a pretty laid back philosophy on preschool, I hadn't really planned anything formal for him.  After he kept asking, I realized I'd better.  So, off to Wal-mart I went.  

In a few days a box appeared on our doorstep for Chase that had sticker books, new markers and crayons and the coveted Spiderman folder and pencil pouch.  He was so excited. How can I hang on to that excitement until he graduates?

Step Right Up! Face Paint Here!

I'm not sure who has more fun with this. The kids love having painted faces, and I love painting them! (Disclaimer: Samantha made Chase into the Hulk, I did the butterflies.) Hard to believe this kind of thing costs ten bucks at the County Fair. I think I'll get a booth of my own next year!

They Change in the Blink of the Eye

Kristin and the kids have been in Little Rock since last Wednesday. I was at a meeting from Wednesday to Saturday, so I had plenty to keep me occupied. Now that I'm back home, though, it sure feels lonely. So, I just looked through my iPhoto library. The first thing that came to mind as I looked at the pictures is that I can't believe how much the kids have changed in such a short period of time...