What's In A Name?

EVERYTHING!

There is tremendous pressure in naming a child. The first-born may be slightly easier since there are family namesakes to consider or that one name you've dreamed of your entire life. But then you remember you're married and he thinks he gets an opinion too. Drat.

Our newest addition is named Eyob. It means "Job."  Bible names are extremely common in Ethiopia and in fact, we met other Eyobs while we were there.

It's an interesting debate whether to give him an American name to go by or to keep his Ethiopian name.  I could make a case either way.  In our university town ethnic names are on every street.  And as I joked with a friend of mine yesterday (who subs in the local high school) someone who pronounces her name Carrie is just as likely to spell it something like Xahryes. (Hard "x" and the "s" being silent, of course.)

I found it difficult enough to name our birth kids. For me, someone who reads a ton and has a thing for lyrics, it was very important to have a name that rolled off the tongue naturally. It has to SOUND like it goes together.  With a last name like Arnold, many German, Danish or Austrian first names connected. Not so much Irish, Czech, Asian or let's say....Ethiopian.

I also wonder (or should I say worry?) about our little guy having to adjust to many, many things in his life as that black kid in the white family. Will he want to explain his name every time he's introduced to someone new? A veteran adoptive family said, "You just teach him to say, 'That's my Ethiopian name.'" Could it be that easy?

My name, Kristin, means Christ-follower. Did my parents know that when they named me? I don't know. Was it a hope they had for my life? I don't know. But it has turned out to be true.

The first lines of the Book of Job say this: "Job was honest inside and out, a man of his word, who was totally devoted to God and hated evil with a passion."

Yes, we want that said of all our children.

Later, in the Book of James (written by Jesus' half-brother,) he is encouraging the Jewish Christians to be patient when treated unjustly. The Message version says it this way: "Take the old prophets as your mentors, they put up with anything, went through everything and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him in the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail." 

Is a name considered a detail? 

The staying power of Job. Bible scholars or not, we've all heard of the "patience of Job."  No one has ever heard of the "patience of Kristin." Maybe that's one of the things our Little Man will get from his Ethiopian Mom.

Everyone keeps asking if we will keep Eyob's name or give him an American name to go by. We, truthfully, haven't decided. (Well, I've decided and Brian's decided, we just haven't decided the same thing, yet!) GRIN.

If we keep it as Eyob, then may it come with a prayer that he will be honest inside and out, a man of his word, who is totally devoted to God and hates evil with a passion. A man who doesn't quit. A man with staying power.

Same Kind of Different

When we landed in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia, Brian and I were literally the only white people in the airport. And so it began. The thousand differences between me and well....everything else.

The smells were different -- strong and pungent. The sounds were different -- a strange language and trilling tongues going a mile a minute. The music loud and dissonant. The sights were like a flashback in a movie -- scene change after scene change -- some understandable, most not. The kind you hope to understand at the very, very end, but then still don't.

I lost weight because the food was so different -- the bread spongy, the drinks warm, the stew mushy, the coffee harsh. I was so anxious that much of the time I didn't even want to eat, even though the smiling strangers kept shoving tray after tray of native food before me.

I found myself so overwhelmed at times that to keep from succumbing to a meltdown of tears, I had to take my mind to another place. I had to disconnect emotionally to keep from losing it entirely.

When strangers hugged me, I was not really comforted.

I wanted to go home.

I wanted my mom.

As crazy as it sounds, I am so thankful I had that experience. It gave me the tiniest glimpse of what our son will experience when he comes home. I was there one week and fought back tears on a regular basis. What would it be like if I could never go back to what I knew?

Only God knows how long it will take for our little guy to experience his new life with joy. Having a taste of that "same kind of different" may be the most important key to loving him well.

The Day We Met

Think about the day you saw your newborn for the first time. Nine-month pregnancy and a few black and white sonograms as some kind of preparation. Then add a three-year pregnancy and a few across-the-world photos to that anticipation. We had no idea really what to expect when we met our little guy.

They brought us into the toddler room -- 15 kids and 4 nannies. We were able to spend two hours there. (Imagine being a sub in two services of Sunday school with toddlers.)  Then imagine that room with no toys and no chairs. NO chairs. That means no rocking chairs. Turns out that's not an Ethiopian thing...rocking chairs. Huh. The drapes were closed, the lights weren't on, the floors were bare...only little toddler-like beds.

At first, the nannies brought our little guy to us, standing him before us like an offering. At the same time, another little boy ran up to us, we thought for a big hug, since his hands were outstretched. Turns out, he smacked our cheeks rather hard with both hands.  Huh. When the nannies scolded him, he sat down at the end of the bed frame and began to just bang his head over and over again. Disturbing enough as it was, the nannies didn't rush to stop that action. Huh. One little boy sat off in the corner and just watched everything. Not crying. Not laughing. Not playing. Not engaging. Still others reached up for us to hold them and play with them and make them laugh the entire time.

Little Man was somewhere in between. At first, he just stood there looking at us. Intensely. No tears, no frown, no smile. Just looking. The cartoon bubble over his head might have said, "Who are you? Why are you here? And, why do you keep looking at me with a hyena-like smile that looks like you're ready to eat me whole?"

It was at least 30 minutes before they brought us a ball -- the universal language of little boys. (Big boys too!)

Then the smile came. Tentatively and not often, but it was there. He never cried when we picked him up, but he never laughed either. I wish I'd gotten it on video, but Brian does this whispery-thing to babies and when he did it while holding our little guy, that sweet smile came again and again.

Here's a clip of his amazing left-foot kick. You'll see some other little ones that we would've walked out with if they'd let us. Fortunately, we were told, most of them have forever families waiting to take them home soon.

Day One: that's what Little Man thinks. For us, it was day 1,095 going on a lifetime.

More Socks to Come!

I'm leaving six precious feet in the care of loved ones, while Brian and I travel to the other side of the world to say to a judge, "Yes!  We'll take another pair, please."  Think of how many more socks I get to add to our sack! By the grace of God and his perfect timing, I have a few minutes to write.

It's been three years and one month since we sent our first set of documents in to get this adoption started. And today we fly. There were definitely times of frustration at the lengthy process, but we've learned so much about ourselves, our birth children and the time in preparation has proved invaluable.  We needed every second to live the life God set before us.

My close friends know how adept I am at hiding my anxieties. However, I can only do that up to a certain point, then I begin to pace ruts in the floor!  So, as soon as the news of our court date came, I notified a handful of people who have clearly been praying their own little socks off for me.  What an incredible peace. We ONLY had a week's notice, yet it seemed like plenty of time as things fell into place for the kids and our packing and all the thousand details that must come together for such a thing.

I have my moments, of course. Like when my sweet hubby is on a conference call in his pajamas without having packed a stitch two hours before we're to leave for the airport. Deep breathes as he reminded me that he had plenty of time and he's never missed a flight. (Except that once, which he swears was a fluke.)

We won't get to bring him home for another couple of months and I'd love to tell you more about our little guy, but until the court hearing is complete, it's unwise. Let's just say, he looks just like me.  ;)

Our prayer list is too long to write here, but if you think of any of us --  Brian, Kristin, Granddaddy, Sammie, Chase, Ava and our new little man -- pray for wisdom, protection and for our faith to grow.

If any internet connection at all is found, I'll try to write again.

Leap of Faith

"It's complicated, expensive and you never know what you're going to get." My mom quickly voiced the concerns I'd hidden in my heart for years about adoption.

Brian had shared his heart for adoption early on in our marriage. I'd let him talk a while and then have another baby. His talking and my non-answering grew after almost three years of trying for our 4th child. He never pressured -- just shared his heart.

I can tell you I was NOT seeking God's will about adoption last spring as I worked through an in-depth study of the Book of Esther for the second time. (Learned all kinds of different lessons the first time around!) We were looking at what might have changed in the few short verses between the Queen saying, "I can't go to the King. I'll be killed!" and "Fine, I'll go. And if I perish, I perish."

Our teacher asked us to consider what we were currently afraid of and after some thought I honestly answered "nothing." I said to myself what I'd say to anyone else I'd hear something like that from. "Are you kidding? How can you be afraid of nothing?" It occurred to me as I took a closer look at how I'd built my life that I feared nothing because I never said yes to anything I didn't think I could do extremely well. I didn't do anything where I thought I had the possibility of failing!

So the next question was this: what had I not allowed God to even put on the radar? A few things came to mind, but adoption was so clear that a few short months later I was on the phone with Mom sharing our process. I couldn't disagree with anything she said. It just took me a dozen years of marriage, three kids and two times through Esther to realize that LIFE is complicated, expensive and you never know what you're going to get.

Life with Jesus is an adventure and adventures sometimes require a leap of faith. Our adoption story isn't anywhere near over, but I can say I never thought I'd feel such peace in the midst of such uncertainty -- like halting in mid-leap, but knowing your safety net will never fail. If you know where your security lies -- the leaps are so much easier.

10 Ways That Say "I Love Him"

It may seem like a joke, but it's not. These are the kinds of little things that ease my man's mind a little. It's the very least I can do considering all he does for me.

1. Keep your shoes on your feet or in your closet.
2. Unplug the curling iron when finished.
3. Have the dishwasher emptied and ready for supper dishes.
4. Keep the counter by the fridge clear of clutter.
5. Sweep the inside door mats regularly.
6. Keep all cabinet and closet doors closed at all times.
7. Don't track mud onto the driveway from the corner of the yard.
8. Above all else, think "value."
9. Combine errands as much as possible.
10. Don't buy expensive greeting cards on holidays.

Hope you feel loved today, baby!

The Best Laid Plans

As I said, the power did in fact go out the day we thought it would. It was off for 48 hours, but seemed like 4 or 5 days! Sam didn't like the beginning of "Sorcerer's Apprentice" -- a little too creepy for her.


Thankfully, the house held heat pretty well the first night. We lit a fire first thing in the morning. I was near tears when I realized the coffee maker used more wattage than the converter would power. (Yes, it's an addiction and I should work on that someday.)

Also realized, a little too late, that the side burner I intended to use on the grill wasn't working! Ugh. We were glad for the fire to heat the beans and cornbread for supper and for the warmth of a friend's home for a couple of hours that evening. Unfortunately, we let our fire go out and house temp dropped pretty fast on the second night. Other sweet friends offered their generator and again realized we needed a lesson in wattage and amps and electricity and such! We couldn't get it to run our space heaters sufficiently, so we all slept together to stay warm. Well, except for Grandaddy. He was in many, many layers (including the long johns) and lots of blankets on his own.

The kids slept in their stocking caps all night.


We woke up on Day 2 to 41 degrees. I wore my winter coat all day and kept Grandaddy in his coat and a stocking cap. The kids, on the other hand, never once complained of being cold despite their red noses. We all moved to the living room and kitchen, shutting off all the other rooms. We stayed in one spot where the space heater and fire combined to get us to a scorching 58 by the time Brian came home from work.

We never had to use the water in the tub and the food turned out to be the least of the troubles. I found it most difficult to live in the mess I'd let my kids create to entertain themselves. We still did school and lots of reading. You'll see they made a restaurant in the kitchen under the table -- we ate on pillows Turkish-style while Chase and Ava sang "Here Comes the Sun" as the live entertainment. (Someday I'll post about how I made the cover for the fort -- soooooo easy to make one to fit whatever size table you have!)



Nearing the end of daylight hours on Day 2, the kids were a little tired of all the closeness. I set up three play centers: in the teepee, on a pile of sleeping bags in the hall and under the table. In each I put some sort of game they could play on their own like Perfection or magnetic shapes or chalkboard and chalk. I'd set the timer for 10 minutes and told them when to rotate and then we'd put in new games and start over. That might have been the most peaceful time of all! I'm going to start incorporating that into our school day!

Probably what I liked best was working on this 3D puzzle of the Titanic that we've had for years and never attempted. It was the perfect time and we did it!

Believe it or not, we were thankful for the reminder of all the things we take for granted: warmth at the touch of a button, hot water at the flip of wrist, and hot meals whenever we want them. And, we tried to make the best of the situation without complaining -- pert near a miracle in itself, if you ask me. Even Grandaddy said he enjoyed sitting out with us and watching the kids play. Maybe it was just what we needed to shake things up a bit.

Please, no more shaking for a while.