Practicing is a discipline. Time to practice is a gift.
Anytime our children are in awe of a skill — say a drummer or crazy sports abilities or even when they see me type so fast on a keyboard, they’ll ask, “How do they do that? How do you do that?” Our answer is always the same:
PRACTICE
So this is about how Day 2 of social distancing went in our house:
Short fuses, quick tempers, arguments turned-screaming matches, grunts and eye rolls at “family meal time.” Heaven forbid I suggest they get off their phones (snapping literally hundreds of selfies in their dark rooms looking at the walls to send to dozens of friends they don’t even talk to IRL) — to emerge and play a game together.
I’m not a fan of “punishments” as my parents doled out. I believe it may curb behavior, but doesn’t necessarily get to the heart issue. I learned a lot about that as we prepared to parent a kid from a hard place. But, I’d had enough. I gave myself a time-out after one more screaming match, took a shower and then told them to bring me their phones immediately and don’t expect them back any time soon.
I’m sure it felt like a punishment to them, however this is what I said:
“You guys clearly need time to practice being kind and patient with one another. You need practice controlling your tempers and working together. You need practice being creative with your time, talents and energy. You’re going to have to actually negotiate KINDLY to figure out who gets to choose the next movie; who gets the PS4 next. You need to remember there is more to life than whatever is in that rectangle in your hand. You need to look up — away from yourselves and your four bedroom walls — and remember there are other humans around.
It sounds a bit familiar to the Tower of Babel teachings I learned from the other day. The people had become so self-focused they wanted to “build a name for themselves.” That’s when God intervened and “scattered the people and confused their languages.” He didn’t intervene when they invented the brick (technology,) but only when they began to use it for selfish purposes. He didn’t punish, condemn or curse them. Why?
The teacher said, “In scattering and confusing languages, God gave them a new and redemptive project — causing them to grow into the kind of humanity that bears his image — a people that knows when to say “enough.” (Dare I specify? Enough social media, enough shouting to be heard, enough name-calling, enough ‘me first’.) A people that trusts the basic story of humanity; who can find a genuine place of rest instead of the usual rat-race. When God confused the people, He said, ‘the only way you’re going to succeed is if you learn how to work together.’ Teamwork requires lots of listening; less about self and more about each other.”
No, I do not believe God caused this virus. I don’t believe we’re being punished. But I do see the chance to rethink what God is asking us to do on a daily basis. It can be another new and redemptive project. I’m hoping this social-distancing from everyone outside our homes, leads to super strong family connections within our home.
So much practice that from now on patience, gentleness, kindness, self-control are our first response all the time every time.
