One Sock at a Time

Leap of Faith

2011-03-24T10:10:00.004-04:00

"It's complicated, expensive and you never know what you're going to get." My mom quickly voiced the concerns I'd hidden in my heart for years about adoption.

Brian had shared his heart for adoption early on in our marriage. I'd let him talk a while and then have another baby. His talking and my non-answering grew after almost three years of trying for our 4th child. He never pressured -- just shared his heart.

I can tell you I was NOT seeking God's will about adoption last spring as I worked through an in-depth study of the Book of Esther for the second time. (Learned all kinds of different lessons the first time around!) We were looking at what might have changed in the few short verses between the Queen saying, "I can't go to the King. I'll be killed!" and "Fine, I'll go. And if I perish, I perish."

Our teacher asked us to consider what we were currently afraid of and after some thought I honestly answered "nothing." I said to myself what I'd say to anyone else I'd hear something like that from. "Are you kidding? How can you be afraid of nothing?" It occurred to me as I took a closer look at how I'd built my life that I feared nothing because I never said yes to anything I didn't think I could do extremely well. I didn't do anything where I thought I had the possibility of failing!

So the next question was this: what had I not allowed God to even put on the radar? A few things came to mind, but adoption was so clear that a few short months later I was on the phone with Mom sharing our process. I couldn't disagree with anything she said. It just took me a dozen years of marriage, three kids and two times through Esther to realize that LIFE is complicated, expensive and you never know what you're going to get.

Life with Jesus is an adventure and adventures sometimes require a leap of faith. Our adoption story isn't anywhere near over, but I can say I never thought I'd feel such peace in the midst of such uncertainty -- like halting in mid-leap, but knowing your safety net will never fail. If you know where your security lies -- the leaps are so much easier.

10 Ways That Say "I Love Him"

2011-02-14T16:53:00.004-05:00

It may seem like a joke, but it's not. These are the kinds of little things that ease my man's mind a little. It's the very least I can do considering all he does for me.

1. Keep your shoes on your feet or in your closet.
2. Unplug the curling iron when finished.
3. Have the dishwasher emptied and ready for supper dishes.
4. Keep the counter by the fridge clear of clutter.
5. Sweep the inside door mats regularly.
6. Keep all cabinet and closet doors closed at all times.
7. Don't track mud onto the driveway from the corner of the yard.
8. Above all else, think "value."
9. Combine errands as much as possible.
10. Don't buy expensive greeting cards on holidays.

Hope you feel loved today, baby!

The Best Laid Plans

2011-02-08T15:39:00.005-05:00

As I said, the power did in fact go out the day we thought it would. It was off for 48 hours, but seemed like 4 or 5 days! Sam didn't like the beginning of "Sorcerer's Apprentice" -- a little too creepy for her.

Thankfully, the house held heat pretty well the first night. We lit a fire first thing in the morning. I was near tears when I realized the coffee maker used more wattage than the converter would power. (Yes, it's an addiction and I should work on that someday.)

Also realized, a little too late, that the side burner I intended to use on the grill wasn't working! Ugh. We were glad for the fire to heat the beans and cornbread for supper and for the warmth of a friend's home for a couple of hours that evening. Unfortunately, we let our fire go out and house temp dropped pretty fast on the second night. Other sweet friends offered their generator and again realized we needed a lesson in wattage and amps and electricity and such! We couldn't get it to run our space heaters sufficiently, so we all slept together to stay warm. Well, except for Grandaddy. He was in many, many layers (including the long johns) and lots of blankets on his own.

The kids slept in their stocking caps all night.

We woke up on Day 2 to 41 degrees. I wore my winter coat all day and kept Grandaddy in his coat and a stocking cap. The kids, on the other hand, never once complained of being cold despite their red noses. We all moved to the living room and kitchen, shutting off all the other rooms. We stayed in one spot where the space heater and fire combined to get us to a scorching 58 by the time Brian came home from work.

We never had to use the water in the tub and the food turned out to be the least of the troubles. I found it most difficult to live in the mess I'd let my kids create to entertain themselves. We still did school and lots of reading. You'll see they made a restaurant in the kitchen under the table -- we ate on pillows Turkish-style while Chase and Ava sang "Here Comes the Sun" as the live entertainment. (Someday I'll post about how I made the cover for the fort -- soooooo easy to make one to fit whatever size table you have!)

Nearing the end of daylight hours on Day 2, the kids were a little tired of all the closeness. I set up three play centers: in the teepee, on a pile of sleeping bags in the hall and under the table. In each I put some sort of game they could play on their own like Perfection or magnetic shapes or chalkboard and chalk. I'd set the timer for 10 minutes and told them when to rotate and then we'd put in new games and start over. That might have been the most peaceful time of all! I'm going to start incorporating that into our school day!

Probably what I liked best was working on this 3D puzzle of the Titanic that we've had for years and never attempted. It was the perfect time and we did it!

Believe it or not, we were thankful for the reminder of all the things we take for granted: warmth at the touch of a button, hot water at the flip of wrist, and hot meals whenever we want them. And, we tried to make the best of the situation without complaining -- pert near a miracle in itself, if you ask me. Even Grandaddy said he enjoyed sitting out with us and watching the kids play. Maybe it was just what we needed to shake things up a bit.

Please, no more shaking for a while.

Ice Storm Prep

2011-02-08T15:17:00.002-05:00

Last week, there were predictions of an apocalyptic ice storm headed our way, so I spent some time preparing for the worst. I wrote the following a couple hours after the power first went out:

You’d think water and warmth would be on the top of my list, but the first thing I think of is how on earth I’ll get my coffee. (I do this when I prep for camping too!) Last year, Brian bought a power inverter for the truck. I intend to use it to keep my cell phone and laptop charged, but most importantly, I can brew a pot of coffee pretty easily. I am more thrilled about that than I should be.

Firewood: we didn’t have as much on hand as we’d like. Brian kept warning me not to burn so much just for ambiance, but I didn’t listen. So we pulled some out of the woods that we’d stacked for bonfires and brought it into the workshop. Hopefully, we won’t need it, but if we do, it will be dry.

Food: we always have enough food to get us through WWIII, but I did sift through to see what I might cook before we lost power. I pulled out things that are hard to cook on a gas grill. I put a pot of dried beans on the stove, tossed a roast and some potatoes in the crock pot, then threw a tray of bacon in the oven followed by a double batch of cornbread and the rest of the cookie dough left from the giant Sam’s Club bucket. Everything else will either keep for a long time (like peanut butter crackers and granola bars) or I can cook on the grill pretty easily (like eggs and noodles.) We also have a case of bottled water – which, with all the ice outside, seems a little redundant.

I did cook one of our frozen pizzas for lunch assuming that you can’t put that on the grill. I got curious and learned that you can, in fact, bake a frozen pizza on the grill. Google is a beautiful thing.

The grill will be moved to the garage or workshop depending on how long we’re out of power. Garage would be convenient, but the workshop would keep the cold further away from the living space.

I had everyone take showers/baths with full shampoo and blow dry before the water wouldn’t be hot and the blow dryer wouldn’t blow. My sensitive smeller thinks ahead too!

I filled my garden tub full of cold water. I figure water pipes could freeze or maybe if we don’t have power, the water plant might not have power either. Who knows? Again, a little redundant as I look outside at all the ice on my deck. I guess it saves a step or two anyway.

I meant to post this before the power went out, but I missed it by a couple hours. I’m typing in the dark now. Chase is already asleep in the teepee. Sammie and Ava are watching “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” on Brian’s laptop and Brian is watching youtube videos on his phone. We’re hoping to get through the first night without lighting a fire.

Granddaddy declined any special treatment when Brian offered an extra pair of long johns or long sleeved shirt. I took them into him an hour later for “just in case,” I said. He put them on about five minutes after I left.

Check back in a few days to see if we turned to icicles ourselves!

Skateboarding With Parker

2011-01-29T13:27:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure which part of these pictures makes me the happiest. Is it the fact that Parker, as a very young teenager, was so sweet to my Sammie?

Or the fact, that six years later, as a young man, he's just as sweet to the whole crew?

First 3D Movie

2011-01-29T08:25:00.006-05:00

Summer of 2009
Little Rock, Arkansas
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

You see all my brood with Ava in Logan Adcock's lap. The "Nuddah Mckena" in the middle.

I wish I had pics of the next time we went to a 3D movie last summer. We took Grandaddy to see Toy Story 3. He said he didn't really understand the beginning (that would be the previews,) but he liked it once it got going. Anything with cowboys you know....

Long Hair, Big Heart

2011-01-23T16:46:00.004-05:00

Sammie has been growing her hair for some time now, so she could donate it to a company that makes wigs for cancer patients.

Pantene will take 8 inches and Locks of Love will take 10 inches. It's easy. It's free. And, it could add some smiles to an otherwise crazy hard place in life.

I'm proud of my girl. And, I'm praying she's always on the giving end of this gift.

Ava Turns 4

2010-10-03T10:29:00.003-04:00

Ava turned 4 on September 30th.

She helped make her own cake. White cake with strawberry jam between layers and pink frosting.

You can always tell the favorite gift by whether or not they sleep with it. This was a Playskool digital camera -- virtually indestructible -- from Grandaddy.

Grandma and Grandpa Scheurich came over the weekend to celebrate again and brought this beautiful cake.

Much loved by her sibs...

A Roundoff from Sam, and A Dive from Chase

2010-08-13T21:28:00.008-04:00

We bought a new Canon digital camera that also shoots high-definition video, which is ideal for occasions like Sammie's final day of gymnastics camp. Of course, a camera is only good if the battery is charged. On this day, unfortunately it wasn't, but I didn't realize it until it was too late. I missed her demonstration, but was able to get this post-show roundoff thanks to my handy Droid...

A week or so later, while Dad was staying with us for a while, Kristin took the kids to Bryan Park pool on a weekday. The kids had taken swim lessons earlier in the summer, and Sam and Chase were ready to swim on their own...in the deep end. They wanted to go down the slide, and jump off the diving board, but they needed to pass the lifeguard's swim test first. They both passed with flying colors. Here's what happened next. Thank the Lord that Dad's new smartphone doubles as video camera, too. Listen to Kristin's commentary. Priceless.

"It's A Small World" by Sam, Chase & Ava

2010-08-08T22:14:00.004-04:00

Here's an impromptu performance by the kids as we drove to town yesterday to run some errands.

Tubing at Lake Monroe

2010-07-11T21:27:00.007-04:00

Some good friends of ours invited us to go to the lake the day after the 4th of July. Here are a few pictures and videos of the kids tubing for the first time in their lives. What a day...

Original American Girls

2010-06-29T11:26:00.004-04:00

To celebrate our sweet niece's birthday and the special friendship that Samantha and Lilly share, my sister-in-law Kate and I set out on an adventure to the American Girl Doll Store in Chicago.

One of the many reasons for this adventure was to show Sam Chicago. To show her you can serve yogurt and granola in something other than paper bowls! Dream big, baby! And, yes, by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin, I rode the giant ferris wheel. We all were challenged in our own ways!

See the photo of Sam next to a poster of Lanie? She really wanted that doll! Now, look at the photo below of Sam with her own "Just Like You" doll (in the hand-made dress from Shipshewana -- thanks Grandma!) I told her we were not going to spend $100 on a doll that looked just like the one she already has.

After we made all the necessary purchases, we had lunch at the AG Cafe. Since Samantha's doll had an appointment at the salon to have her hair done, she was able to borrow Felicity to join us for lunch. We thought the desserts were precious -- butterfly cookies and dirt cups with daisies.

You'll notice that Sammie wanted her hair done like her doll's. Thank God for Aunt Kate -- because dear Mommy couldn't figure it out! The girls were so excited about the fancy bathroom that their heads were literally spinning!

Kidspeak Continued

2010-05-16T22:57:00.006-04:00

Kristin wrote a great post on September 2008 called Kidspeak. It's Sunday night, and I'm tired and lazy. So, I'm viewing this as a addendum to her post...

It probably has something to do with the fact that they've watched quite a few of the Star Wars episodes of late, but the kids, especially Sam and Chase, love to sword fight. As they were battling last week, we overheard Sam say to Chase, "Do you want a piece out of me?" (Instead, of course, of, "Do you want a piece of me?")

All of the kids love to jump off of the furniture. As she jumped off the bed recently, you could hear Ava bellow, "Blast over!" (Instead of "blast off.")

Ava sneezes and then says aloud, "Bless me." (Instead of "Bless you" -- which her Mom says, so I'm not sure it counts as a misquote.)

This may not fit exactly with the angle of this post, but it was recent and very funny...

The kids typically meet me at the end of the driveway each day as I come home from work. Chase and Sam like to help me drive, and Ava typically prefers to sit in the back seat (although, of late, she's been wanting to help me drive, too). On Friday, it was Chase's turn to drive. We were pulling into the garage as Kristin came out to greet me with, "Hey handsome." Before I even a chance to process her remark, Chase had already responded with, "Hey."

I'm just scratching the surface here. It seems like there are 2 - 3 publishable misquotes per day in the Arnold casa. We can't capture them all! Boy, I wish we could -- with HD video. Does anyone else have any funny misquotes from their kiddos?

Art

2010-05-04T21:57:00.006-04:00

When we first moved back to Bloomington, I took Grandaddy on a driving tour of Indiana University's campus. I showed him the library and Sample Gates and other buildings where I spent a lot of my time in grad school.

We passed the Musical Arts Center and I told him about my job there in the ticket office and my dear friends I met in that tiny little room behind the windows. When he saw the stabile in front of the building he said, "What's that?"

I said, "Art."

We rounded the block and drove past the Union where I confessed to buying a no-bake cookie almost every day I walked through the doors. On down the street, we drove in front of the IU Art Museum and another orange structure made him ask, "What's that?"

I said again, "Art."

As we drove closer to the IU Auditorium and he spied Showalter Fountain, a statue with a naked lady splashing around with fish between her legs, he said...

..."Now THAT'S art."

Repeat After Me

2010-04-26T21:29:00.004-04:00

We take turns praying at dinner and tonight it was Chase's turn. He was resistant this evening for some reason, though, so I said, "Ok, Chase. Just repeat after me." I began with, "Heavenly Father." He repeated "Heavenly Father." I couldn't hear him very well, so I said, "Loud." Then, Chase, thinking I was praying the next line, in all seriousness, said "Loud."

I know you had to be there, but since we all laughed so hard I thought it was worth going into the family log. Kids are awesome.

Sam's School Day -- Friday, April 16, 2010

2010-04-18T21:26:00.007-04:00

I took the day off from work Friday to watch the kids, and homeschool Sam, as Kristin took part in Chrysalis (Thursday p.m. - Sunday p.m.). Thanks to Kristin for setting up Sam and me for success.

Here's Sam's first-grade homeschool workload for posterity:

Philippians 1:1-11. I read this passage to the kids. We talked about Paul's references to "joy."

The Usborne Book of World History. I read pg. 87 to the kids -- "The end of the Roman Repbulic." Sam talked about Julius Caeser and Augustus Caeser.

Leading Little One to God. I read lesson 80 ("The Lord's Supper") to the kids.

Math work sheets: sums ("match each sum to a letter to answer the riddle"), counting by 10s to connect the dots from 10 - 100, subtraction (2-digits and problem solving) and 3-digit mystery number.

Critical thinking/logic: story-time logic ("At the ice cream shop, Ben, Chan and Maria each...") and pet logic ("Alex, Betty, Chad and Dena each brought a pet...")

Spanish: Sam completed her next Rosetta Stone lesson on her own. (She even calibrated the headset/microphone to Kristin's Apple Powerbook on her own. She's getting quite skilled with a computer.)

Reading: Sam read chapters one and two of Betsy Byars' Tornado. After finishing her reading, we pulled out her dry-erase map and outlined tornado alley. I also read her chapter 11 of Henry Winterfeld's Detectives in Togas ("A hilarious whodunit in ancient Rome.").

Profiles: I read pages 157 - 164 of George Muller – The Guardian of Bristol's Orphans.

(I'm going to read all of this fascinating account.)

Music: piano lessons from Piano Wizard Academy book two (ex. Big Ben, It's Midnight)

I'm looking forward to seeing Sam continue to blossom. It's amazing how much she's learned already. I'm thankful for getting to take part in her education on Friday.

Keep it Handy

2010-04-14T19:51:00.003-04:00

In various places around my house you'll find an emory board. My desk drawer, a kitchen drawer, every purse, my top dresser drawer, etc.

When we were in town a few weeks ago, Grandaddy asked me if I had a good emory board. Well, I have one of those handy things that hooks in your air vents as a cup holder, in case you don't have any built in. Since we have them built in, I use that for ink pens, mascara, a tire gauge and, you guessed it, an emory board. So, I handed it to him and he promptly put it in his shirt pocket.

I said, "Go ahead and use it."

"No, I'll use it when I get home," he said.

Not wanting to lose a well-placed emory board, I continued to encourage, "Just fix your nail real quick and I can put it right back."

"I'm not going to use it on my nail. I need it for my tooth."

I pulled it back out of his pocket and promised him his own emory board set when we got home.

Easter Bunny Stories

2010-03-11T13:53:00.004-05:00

This story is better told by my dad with the twinkle in his eye at the thought of his firstborn and the exaggerated moves of an actor. My sister was born in August of 1968. At the time, Daddy was an actor playing the lead role in the Legend of Daniel Boone at the outdoor theater in Harrodsburg, Ky. When he got word that my mom was in labor, he took off in his costume to get to the hospital…coonskin cap and all. Somewhere along the way, a state trooper pulled him over and Daddy got out of the car to explain things. In his haste, he said, “I’m Daniel Boone and I’m going to have a baby!”

The trooper didn’t miss a beat and said, “I don’t care if you’re the Easter Bunny, you were driving too fast and you’re getting a ticket.”

Apparently, once he slowed down and explained more clearly why he was driving so fast in a Daniel Boone costume, they came to an understanding.

Good Question

2010-03-02T21:28:00.003-05:00

As a stocking stuffer at Christmas, one of us got Love Talks. It's a spiral-bound conversation starter for families. We set ours on the dining room table and ask one once a week or so when we've run out of things to share. Questions like what one dessert would you choose if you could only have one the rest of your life or if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be.

The other night the question was this: If you could ask God anything what would it be?

Without hesitation, Sammie said, "When are you coming back down?"

So Much for Valentine's Day Secrets

2010-02-14T20:36:00.005-05:00

With Valentine's Day falling on a Sunday this year, and hectic Friday, Saturday and Sunday schedules this weekend, my best opportunity to get flowers for Kristin was Friday after work.

I had another Kristin-approved errand to run on the way home Friday, so that bought me a little time to run by a locally-owned florist called Mary M's. I picked up a dozen roses there and then headed home for our first date in ages.

Katie the baby sitter was already there when I arrived. I walked in the house and noticed that Kristin was helping one of the kids with something. So, I took the opportunity to hide the flowers in the laundry room. Then, I told her to go on out to the car while I went to the bathroom. After hearing the garage door shut, I ran back into the laundry room, grabbed the flowers and then called Katie and the kids together. They were more than happy to put the flowers into one of the crystal vases we got as a wedding gift. (My mother told her every bride needs a vase big enough for a dozen roses.) I asked Katie to put the flowers in Dell's closet when the were done.

Kristin had a meeting Saturday morning. So, after she left, I brought the flowers out of Dell's dark closet to get some sun. I asked the kids to help me remember to put them back when she got home. We saw her turning into the drive way, so I ran into Dell's room with the flowers while the kids went to greet her. As I'm hiding the flowers, I hear Ava open the door and say in one of her screaming whispers, "Don't see the flowers, Mommy!"

I went ahead and brought the flowers out, and Kristin loved them. She thanked me and said something like, "This will give me another day to enjoy them." So, all's well that ends well. However, am I ever going to learn that three year olds aren't very good with secrets?

It's Never "Just" a Meal

2010-01-22T11:40:00.004-05:00

With Brian in Singapore all week, I had a sweet friend offer to bring us a meal. It turned out to be a blessing beyond what I would've thought to ask for and I'm sure beyond what she thought she was offering. Here's part of the thank you note:

"There's no way that saying "thank you" is enough. I know about meal making...it's a gift, a blessing. Sometimes it's easy to double the batch. Sometimes it's a real stretch to get it together for your family AND someone else's. Sometimes you can't tell if it's filled a real need or if it's simply taken as a kind gesture.

Tonight, when I would've been preparing a meal for five, I was able to fix my Grandad and me something to drink and sit with him for a while. We started watching Bonanza and during the first commercial break he said, 'Well, I'm glad you've got a spare few minutes and I'm glad you've decided to spend them with me.' The kids came in and the five of us curled up in his room to watch the guys with the white hats win again. When we got up to go to the kitchen for your yummy chili he reached out and took my hand. He smiled real big and shook his head...sometimes when he gets emotional he can't get the words out. He said, ' I don't get lonely often, but I do sometimes and I'm glad you've been here this evenin'.'"

So, thank you. For thinking of us, for the chili and for letting me have a few unexpected and special minutes with my Grandad."

You'll never know what a blessing you give when you offer to serve someone else. Thanks to my friend for the reminder.

Yes, Other People Get to Name Your Fruit

2010-01-17T15:50:00.003-05:00

A sweet friend gave us a clever Christmas gift: a dinner plate tastefully painted with fruit on it. Attached to it, a small envelope with this on the outside:

Set this plate at the table for a family member who has exhibited the Fruit of the Spirit. Challenge everyone to show these characteristics and to look for them in one another. Parents AND children can reward one another with this plate when they see the Fruit of the Spirit lived out.

Inside the envelope are nine place cards, each with a specific fruit and examples of it lived out all based on the Galatians passage: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Enter Samantha. The creative, crafty, observant one. When asked to set the table, she often creates place settings with flowers, cut out pictures, etc. A few weeks ago, she got out the fruit of the Spirit place cards and gave each of us one. Here's how it played out:

Chase: Gentleness -- showing tenderness to others; being thoughtful and careful with little children; being able to respond with calm words.
Ava: Faithfulness -- being a true and loyal friend or family member; sticking up for others; keeping your promises.
Samantha: Goodness -- doing the things that are right and good, even when no one is watching; making good choices.
Daddy: Patience -- being able to wait calmly for something that is expected, even when you are so excited on the inside that you could explode.
Mommy: Self-control -- choosing not to give in to the powerful urge to speak or act in ways you know you shouldn't; or overcoming a bad habit or tendency.

I asked her why she chose each one, expecting her to give some exemplary behavior we'd exhibited. Instead, she said, "I gave each person the thing they need to work on."

OUCH!

She said I need to work on not raising my voice at her when I get frustrated.

Earlier in Matthew, Jesus is clear when he says, "By their fruit you will know them." No one knows us better than those with whom we share a roof. So, a little self-control with my tone of voice is what I'll be working on in the coming months.

What place card would your family give you?

A Winter Swim

2010-01-16T10:23:00.004-05:00

After the roads were cleared from our six inches of snow last week, we drove to town to run errands. As we neared downtown, Sam noticed a window display and said, "Mom, they're already selling bathing suits in that store!"

I looked up in time to notice she was talking about the Garden of Eden -- Adult Fantasy Boutique.

Bathing suits, indeed.

It's Not You, It's Me

2010-01-12T11:42:00.005-05:00

That's what I said to Facebook when I deactivated my account a few months ago.

It really was doing nothing but highlighting my worst faults. I don't condemn or judge anyone who uses Facebook for the fun socializing tool it can be. I just couldn't handle it. I'll confess the details only in hopes that my kids won't make the same mistake, not that it does my heart good to put it in writing.

There were several factors converging at once to give Facebook the power it had over me for a time. The biggest is that I was lonely. Plenty busy at home, mind you, but not a lot of one-on-one grown up interaction. It started out as a way to get out without getting out.

It was also feeding my pride: what can I say this time that will generate even more comments? And then, I'd check my computer every (you don't want to know how often) to see if anyone commented. Brian used the term "addicted" in all seriousness. And, he doesn't use such finger-pointing words very often. That's when I really started thinking about it. It did feed my spirit (I hate to write "ego" even though that's probably more accurate) to get comments, to leave comments and get more comments back. Seemed like lots of interaction.

Then envy kicked in. There's irony all over this part, because I LOVE MY LIFE! Before FB, I couldn't have named three things I wanted to change about my ENTIRE life. But I found myself giving a good "hmf" when I saw an old high school buddy was going to spend the day lounging beside her in-ground pool while her kids were at school. A twinge when girls I knew would talk about how they had such a good time last night or lunch the day before and clearly no one called me. A little heart ache to see moms talk about their kids' birthday parties that my kids weren't invited to.

All of those examples are so real and so silly! I wouldn't trade home schooling for a YEAR by any pool. I've never really needed a lot of girl time and it's not like we let OUR kids have big birthday parties! And yet there they were...seeds of discontent.

This is the kicker: I realized that one of my good friends talks the same way to all her other friends as she does to me. You see, before FB, I didn't have access to such interactions. I was actually a little hurt that I have a friend who is just as nice, sweet, loving, welcoming and caring to her other friends as she is to me. Is that not the MOST ridiculous thing you've EVER heard?

Without sounding too pitiful, I started to take stock in the phone calls that came in or knocks on the door. Would you sing for this event? Would you teach this class? Would you happen to have this I can borrow? Would you keep my kids a while? Not a lot of "let's go out" or "tell me how you are."

Then I heard a teacher suggest that parents who give their kids cell phones with texting might be giving themselves the illusion of control. And immediately the thought came to my mind that Facebook was giving me the illusion of relationship. I don't want to live under any illusions...reality is hard enough, so I deactivated it. And, not surprisingly, my email inbox was sparse from then on.

It was kind of a hard time, because it's not like this is the kind of thing you can talk to your friends about without sounding -- heaven forbid -- needy. I am NOT the needy friend. Because of that, I could feel an even bigger lesson coming.

What I ultimately realized is that I don't have a need to be needed. I've got plenty of people of who need me and (most of the time) I'm happy to serve and help people any way I can. (So, I'll probably always watch your kids, teach the preschoolers and let you borrow anything I have.) What I realized is that I want to be wanted. You know, just for me. For who I am, not what I can do.

No hurt comes senselessly, so it wasn't long before I was off the computer long enough to remember that that's what God wants from us: to love Him for who He is. He's done plenty to be deserving of our love, that's for sure. Blessings, near misses, abundant grace despite our many screw ups. But to realize that He just loves us because of who we are, certainly not because of what we've done.

Makes me think of that Casting Crowns song:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

Funny, it took the FB experience to help me see that it's enough for me to know that God hears when I call and I am His.

So, you see Facebook, you are fun and cool and hip and a great way to share photos and connect perfectly normal, sweet friends. I, on the other hand, am prone to envy and arrogance and I don't need anything else to plant false seeds of discontent.

Really. It's not you, it's me.

Siblings to the Rescue

2010-01-08T13:07:00.002-05:00

With about six inches of snow on the ground and more falling, the kids have loved bundling up to play.

Today, they pulled their three-man sled across the street to play in the neighbors' hilly yard. I got all suited up after about 30 minutes and was headed out the garage door to play with them when I realized they were back on our front walk yelling that Ava got hurt.

Apparently, she tripped and one boot and sock came off. Her big brother and sister put her on the sled with her bare little foot and pulled her back across the street, so she wouldn't have to walk and get hurt worse.

Once I realized she was fine and the kids told the story, my heart was full to overflowing. So precious!

Christmas '09

2010-01-03T14:05:00.007-05:00

Yes, I know most of you are spending today taking down the decorations and hauling the Christmas tree to the curb. I'm just not quite ready for it to be over. It's the fastest Christmas break on record for me.

We waited until after Samantha's birthday on the 5th to even put up the first decoration. So many of the decorations we have were handmade by my grandmother and her family. Like this ice skate ornament...I can't even count the sequins and beads and pins, but we have several in this category.

Several more in the category with silk threads and more beads.

I'm not terribly crafty in that way, but when my Mom passed onto us the family advent calendar I went to work replacing two missing ornaments. What's cut off at the bottom is a dated pocket for each of the ornaments on the tree. Can you tell which ones we made this year? Honor, you can guess, but you don't win the prize, if you get it right!

Our Thanksgiving trip to Arkansas yielded one new decoration for us. I might even leave it up year round. Anyone else have one of these?

When you light the candles.....some scientific thing happens that makes the angels go round and the bells ting as they go. (I won't really do science like this until 3rd or 4th grade, so don't judge my ignorance.)

We don't do a lot of outdoor decorations, but we've lived here almost five years and I've still not decorated the outside of our house like I want. I was raised with candles in every window, which I love, but we can't do that here since our dormers are fake. (Thankfully, our neighbors decorate their house just like I want, so I have a great view!) I did decide to make new bows for the garland on our porch rail as the first step toward upgrading the outdoors. I thought this ribbon was just darlin'. All candy cane striped and Christmassy and all.

Turns out, from the road all six of them look baby pink. And stupid. We're like the breast cancer awareness holiday house or something.

This winter wonderland is across the tracks from some of your fancier models, but it tells some of the story of our holiday celebration.

Again, Mrs. Claus was made many, many years ago. (As evidenced by the joy detergent bottle that gives her fine curves.) The big house in the middle is the one Samantha made with my mom when she spent the first week of December in Kentucky. It's been a great tradition for them to put up GiGi's decorations together and get to put together a gingerbread house without the "help" of her siblings.

The other houses were made when our adopted college friends came to visit. If they hadn't come, I would've given up on those (&^$*^()! things. One of the girls was going dress shopping for a big law school shindig the next night. We rummaged through my old cocktail dresses for her and found the perfect red dress. What she didn't know is that the shindig was a ruse for her boyfriend to propose! I love that. If she ever sends photos, I'll post them here.

The cereamic reindeer was from Samantha's birthday. She chose one friend to go with her to the pottery place to paint anything they wanted. It was a terrific touch to our winterscape. It was also a lot cheaper than hosting a dozen squealing girls at our house for pink icing and well, pink everything!

And, the little marshmallow looking snowmen and reindeer came from our small group Christmas party where the kids did crafts, ate snowman ice cream and the grown ups swapped white elephant gifts. We walked away with the best gift...a pair of IU tickets to the Big Ten opener. I don't know who ended up with the flying monkey.

The lone tree in the scene is from the day we learned about the tradition of the Christmas tree. We used sugar cones, green icing and mini-M&Ms to make the trees. You can imagine why there's only one there now.

So, you guys just box and wrap and vacuum away. I'm going to reminisce a few more days about our very fast, very full, very fun Christmas holiday.

A Day Split in Thirds

2009-12-28T22:59:00.006-05:00

I'm several days into an extended break from work. Because these sorts of breaks are few and far between for me, I'm not always the best with time management.

Some may say, "It's vacation...you don't need to manage time!!!" I can understand this sentiment, but I'm realizing that structure helps me -- my mood, morale and attentiveness. That's why I'm experimenting with splitting my free days into thirds: a third for home projects or errands, a third for family time and a third for free or miscellaneous time.

Now, I'm not sure how exact I've been with the thirds so far, but the general concept seems to be working well. Does anyone else have a useful time-management guideline?

My Man

2009-11-19T14:11:00.004-05:00

So, Brian had his 20th high school reunion this past summer and I'd intended to write all about it. Then we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in September and I intended to write all about that. And, on Tuesday Brian turned 39 and I wanted to write about that, too.

To spare you the volumes for every celebration, I'll give a brief snippet about each.

Brian's Mom and step-dad came down to celebrate his birthday on Sunday and brought a beautiful sheet cake. Since Brian, Grandaddy and Manley were all piled in Grandaddy's room watching football and the kids were chomping at the bit for cake, we lit the candles and headed in there to sing "Happy Birthday!" I sat on the bed next to him and leaned over to give him a kiss. That's when the cardboard the cake was on slipped off the fancy plastic serving tray and the cake flipped upside down onto the floor. Sorry, baby.

Oh wait. A business trip landed him in The Russian Tea Room in New York City on his actual birthday. So, I take it back. No pity for him. None.

On our anniversary, we pulled out the ol' wedding video. We don't torture ourselves annually, but we thought it would ok once every ten years. Halfway through, Sammie said, "This is soooo long." (And, it was.) About every ten minutes I would look over at Brian and he'd be shaking his head saying, "We were so naive." (And, we were.)

I've told him before I want to get married again. I want him to ask me again, so I can say yes again. When we said "I do" the first time, I dare say we had no idea what on earth we were saying "I do" to. It hasn't always been moonbeams and rainbows and some times it's been downright miserable, but now that we're on the other side of that (for the moment, anyway), I can see that we have been well-matched. I know I can count on him, no matter what. Through childbirth and grandparents. Overwhelming anxiety and the pit of depression. Even biopsies and several thousand diapers. It's easy to see that we're so much better together than apart. (Am I sounding a little sappy with him out of town?)

As for the reunion, I spent more than a few hours watching his classmates, listening to their stories, meeting their families. And there, it happened again -- that thing that sometimes happens when I look around a crowded room. I realized I was the luckiest girl in the world to be able to leave on his arm.

That's my man. Happy reunion/annivesary/birthday, darlin'!

CareFest 2009

2009-11-08T14:07:00.011-05:00

CareFest is one way that our church, Sherwood Oaks Christian Church (SOCC), tries to live out James' call for a faith in action (James 2:14-17). It's a one day event where hundreds of SOCC volunteers do projects for Bloomington schools, social service agencies and city government with no strings attached.

The informational brochure touched on one of the by-products of the event for our kids: "This is a great opportunity for families to serve together and teach children the value of serving others."

Last November, Sammie and I served together at Backstreet Missions and the Crisis Pregnancy Center/Hannah House. We went back to CPC/Hannah House this year. We were fortunate enough to have Chaser join us this year! I power washed outside, worked in the yard and painted. Chase split his time between helping me and working with Sammie and few others to make a "diaper cake" and crafts for upcoming baby showers.

At prayer time that night the kids said one of their favorite parts of the day was "helping the babies." They also loved the pizza that was served afterwards! I'm looking forward to seeing God's plan for Sam, Chase and Ava unfold before our eyes. I'm hopeful that acts of service will be a big part of each of those plans.

P.S. Brad Pontius came around to take pictures when Chase was outside and you were still upstairs, Sammie. Also, Mom, yes...I know that I'm getting a bald spot on the top of my head. I've had it for 5 years, if not more!

Hardcore Preschool

2009-11-06T12:13:00.000-05:00

As homeschool moms often do, I was swapping curriculum and scheduling ideas with a friend before the school year started in August. If you knew this friend, whom I love, her comment wouldn't surprise you, but I had to laugh when she said, in all seriousness, she was going to do some "hardcore preschool" with her 4-year old.

Our preschool philosophy is a little laid back to say the least. More like following Einstein's idea that imaginative play paves the way to genius. (Or something like that.)

Here's a little of what preschool looks like in our house: it starts with an idea of theirs. A picnic with our colorful plastic-ware required 12 plates, 12 matching bowls and 12 friends for each place setting.

Then 12 cups were needed, but they, of course, had to match the plates and bowls. And, each friend needed at least one piece of food. That's counting to 12 at least five times. On his own. And a lesson in colors and matching.

Enlisting help from his sisters counts as leadership development and training in teamwork.

Another day we got some shaving cream out for each of them to practice their skill of the day.

Chase practiced writing the letter T.

Sammie practiced adding 8s.

Even little Ava was practicing her shapes and after a while we added a different food color to each pile of shaving cream. Then we got really crazy and tried mixing them up. We made green and purple and then they learned when you mix every color it just turns grey. ART!

We even had music practice when they pulled all my pots and pans out of the cabinet to create "Arni's Angels," the living room band. I only had to throw away one of my bamboo spoons from all the banging. I think everyone should have a silver drum set.

Rhythm, creativity, imagination and big messes!

Now, is that hardcore or what?

Gooder 'N Snuff

2009-11-05T14:39:00.005-05:00

Living with another person can be hard. And, if you're selfish and controlling and particular, like me, it can be really hard. I've come to laugh about this now, but I can tell you it took a while.

I've written before about how Grandaddy takes care of his own needs for the most part. He'll eat my cooking only occasionally so we dance around each other in the kitchen at meal time. Admittedly, he tries very hard to "get outta y'alls way" if he thinks he's in it. For instance, if it's Wednesday night, he waits until we're finished eating because he knows we're headed out to church. Same on Sundays.

As I said, it's a bit of a joke now, but it seemed like I would get everyone fed and dressed in their finest and head to the bathroom to get myself ready. When I open my bedroom door on Sunday mornings the wave of smoke that hits me is astounding. He cooks everything on high, so the toast is crispy and the pork is burnt. I was sitting on my couch last week as he'd just sat down with his breakfast. The sun helps me tell the story...

Can you see the haze INSIDE my house? And, that's all the way toward the front door...TWO rooms from the stove.

So, I apologize to my fellow church goers if I smell like burnt sausage on Sundays. I do get irritated. I double the perfume or skip it all together some times. I want to take away his cooking privileges on some days. But it's all worth it when he makes me look him in the eye and says, "Kris, you're gooder 'n snuff and not nigh as dusty."

Bonus points if you remember the comic strip that line is from.

Trick or Treat '09

2009-11-04T14:33:00.007-05:00

How many Dads would dress three kiddos in costume, take them to a neighborhood hot dog roast and escort them on a trick-or-treating hayride without the momma around? Not many! But that's what my man did this past weekend while I was away. I think it helped that none required fancy make up like last year.

Toothless, Blonde Flamenco Dancer (there's one on every street)

Pirate (complete with hot cocoa stains on the shirt)

Ladybug (wasn't it just yesterday that Sammie wore this in the Oxford Halloween parade?)

Neighborhood Hayride (Thanks Feagans!)

Grandaddy, dressed as himself, stayed back and passed out the candy at our house.

The kids came back with so much candy for our little street. They each got to pick five of their favorites and the rest is going to the homeless shelter. We figure they like to have treats, too!

The Day School Came

2009-10-23T15:43:00.005-04:00

I ordered all Samantha's 1st grade curriculum at once, so the day it came in the mail was a very big deal. It was a VERY big box o' books. The kids had a ball taking them out one by one and looking them over.

Sonlight ships their books in a box you can turn into a pirate ship or a castle. This was Chase's favorite part of Sammie's school box. Sam did the decorating. Chase did the sword fighting.

Time and time again, Chase asked things like, "Which ones are my school?" "Is this one my school, Mom?"

Since I have a pretty laid back philosophy on preschool, I hadn't really planned anything formal for him. After he kept asking, I realized I'd better. So, off to Wal-mart I went.

In a few days a box appeared on our doorstep for Chase that had sticker books, new markers and crayons and the coveted Spiderman folder and pencil pouch. He was so excited. How can I hang on to that excitement until he graduates?

Step Right Up! Face Paint Here!

2009-10-12T12:11:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure who has more fun with this. The kids love having painted faces, and I love painting them! (Disclaimer: Samantha made Chase into the Hulk, I did the butterflies.) Hard to believe this kind of thing costs ten bucks at the County Fair. I think I'll get a booth of my own next year!

Grandma Tricked Me?!?! ("Play-Doh" Recipe)

2009-09-27T21:03:00.006-04:00

Mom copied me on this email to Kristin. Can't believe my beloved Grandma tricked me...

Kristin,

Found something today that might interest you. My Mom's recipe for Play-Doh that you make yourself: 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup salt, 2 teaspoons cream of tartar (this is very important), 1 cup water, 1 T. vegetable oil. Put in pan and stir over medium heat. Cook, stirring constantly for approximately 3 minutes. Store in an air tight container. (Put food coloring in water before cooking if you want it colored. Also, leave out vegetable oil if you plan to make something and let it harden.)

Story: Mom made Steve and Brian this dough to play with. Brian did not like it because it was not Play-Doh so he didn't play with it. So my Mom went out and bought Play-Doh for her "little pumpkin" and he played and played with it-well when it got dry she took out the old Play-Doh and made hers and put it in the Play-Doh containers, and he played and played with the "Play-Doh."

Love Mom/Karen

Kissing Your What?

2009-09-23T20:55:00.003-04:00

Parenting is a constant education for me.

Ava does almost everything at the top of her lungs. Yesterday we tried to figure out where this little chant was coming from as she marched through the house. Go ahead, say it out loud, in a marching rhyme. Imagine it in the cadence of a two-year old. This is what we heard:

"Eatin' peanut BUTtuh, kissin' your CHUDda."

Kissing your what did she say?

She said it over and over and over again. Finally we asked where she learned it. A neighbor girl apparently taught the kids the new ending to an old elementary-school incantation.

Mister Tiger Missus Tiger sittin' in a tree.

K-i-s-s-i-n-g.

First comes love, then comes marriage.

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

Eating peanut butter, kissing each other.

Oh....kissing each OTHer.

Whew.

Marshing Mellows by the Fire

2009-09-20T21:05:00.008-04:00

We've had a fire pit in our woods for a few years to burn brush. Last Autumn, after clearing and burning brush, we'd typically make s'mores or just sit by the fire and talk.

Our fireside fun is up a notch this year with the addition of a fire pit closer to the house and five or six fireside meals so far. I'm not even sure if it's technically Autumn yet! Because the pit is closer to the house (don't worry, Mom, it's not that close to the house), Grandaddy is able to join us now and shuttling food and drinks isn't nearly as troublesome.

We've had a great time with each and every fire. I especially like that this time feels like an escape of sorts and clean-up is a breeze. It doesn't hurt that we're typically joined by neighborhood kids or visiting family members or that the kiddos almost alway something or

do something that's hilarious. For instance, last Sunday Ava asked me, "Dad, are we marshing mellows now?"

Anyone else have fond fireside memories?

Bradenton Beach '09

2009-09-09T14:29:00.006-04:00

School is well underway, so I've been reminiscing about our trip to Florida in June. Come back with me a minute.

This was the first time Chase had full-on access to a big pool and he found some courage with his water wings and hasn't looked back.

The first day it rained, we found the science center down town. This is a laser harp. If only the real things were that easy to play.

They had some kind of frog there that grew as big as a man's hand. It apparently just sits in the forest waiting for insects and crawly things to go by, but since it's in captivity they have to feed it. (YUCK!) The kids were enthralled.

Don't tell Ava she's too little for anything. She's moving a bowling ball with some kind of gear thing. (I'm the non-technical one standing by.) Brian would want me to clarify that the bald guy near us is NOT him.

The second day it rained, we let the kids play outside our condo and pretend it was the beach.

The third day it rained...

It day rain a fourth day and we (er...uh...Brian) found the dollar theater. It was Ava's first theater experience and we saw "Monsters Vs. Aliens." Sorry...no good pic of that. At least where we don't all look like aliens ourselves.

The "big" kids helping Ava jump the waves.

I'd forgotten how long Sam's hair was. It's super short and super cute now.

I only include this to see if anyone else thinks it's funny that Sam is giving herself rabbit ears.

Dad started the burying with me, which I think he enjoyed immensely, then we went on to Sam.

I think she liked it.

Even little Ava braved the itchy adventure.

Five minutes after we left the beach...

I used to say I loved the beach and I thought I did. Put my family in the sand with me and it surpasses every other beach moment. Ever. *Sigh.*

Chase's First Football Game

2009-09-04T21:56:00.004-04:00

The company I work for, Cook Medical, was kind enough to give employees two tickets to the first Indiana University football game, which was last night. And, Julie Schaefer, a Product Manager at Cook and my office neighbor, was kind of enough to give me her two tickets since she lives in Indianapolis. As a result, I was set to take Chase to his first game and ask my friend, Jeff Barnhill, and his son, Colin, to join us.

There was a problem, though. The game was at 8p.m., and I had an important conference call with some colleagues from our Asia-Pacific region at 730. Fortunately, Jeff said that's he'd drive. So, I was able to start my call while we were en route to the stadium, and was able to finish it as we walked through tailgate-party pandemonium.

Talk about stressful... straining to listen to, understand and talk to Asians and Australians on a cell phone while trying to keep track of an excited four year old as we were walking through a sea of people.

When we got to the stadium fireworks started to not only kick off the season, but also introduce the amazing new North End Zone Facility at Memorial Stadium. You can see the new facility in the first picture below.

It was a great experience overall. The highlights for Chase included waiving one of the Barnhill's I.U. towels (until he started hitting a few folks around us), eating a hot dog and drinking a Sprite, talking to some young ladies I work with at Cook and running with a football on the mini-football field behind the South end zone.

Wish I could say that the Hoosiers' performance was great as the rest of the experience. I guess all is well that ends well, though, as they were able to do just enough to pull out the victory against Eastern Kentucky. I think it's going to be another long year for our long-suffering program.

Looking forward to going to more games with Chaser...

Chase on Two Wheels!

2009-08-24T21:28:00.005-04:00

Here's Chase riding a bike without training wheels. Ava, Sammie, Kristin and I were on the wings, so this was an exciting moment for all of us. Grandaddy had told me earlier in the evening that Chase was on the verge of riding. I didn't believe him at first because the last few times we had worked with Chase he seemed to be months away. I learned later that our Chaser had practiced quite a bit while I was at work today. I'm so glad I got to see him as he really started to hit his stride this evening.

By the way, I love having a phone that can also take pictures, shoot video and then email the pictures or video to my computer. The picture quality is horrible, as you can see, but it's sure a lot better than not capturing the moment at all, wouldn't you say? I was able to capture this experience with our digital Canon camcorder, too. I'll get around to transferring the stack of Mini-DVs in my room to our computer one of these days. I'm looking forward to the day that I'll be able to do away with Mini-DV tapes all together.

I can play the video clip on my computer and hear Chase and Kristin talking. Still can't figure out how to get the audio to play right on the blog. Anyone have any ideas?

Chase's "Just Because" Party

2009-08-16T00:55:00.000-04:00

Some people have big birthday parties. Some people have big costume parties or Christmas parties. A few years ago, we started a fun tradition in our house: a party for no reason at all. No one needs to find special clothes or bring gifts or anything. We make up the theme, the decorations and games as the whim strikes.

A couple of weeks ago, Chase invited our buddy Darian, whom we've known since HE was about Chase's age, to a "Just Because" party. I was convinced he was saying the wrong name, thinking he was getting all the brothers in that family mixed up, but he pointed to his picture and said, "That one!" Darian is 17-years old and found time out of his busy life to come hang with Chaser for a while.

Chase chose the decorations, the craft, the snack and the games. And, they had a ball. I'm not sure Chase took his eyes off Darian for more than a few seconds at a time.

A little icing, then a little coaching.

It was hard for the girls to stay away from the action.

Real men wear party hats.

The kids were so excited to ride down the street in his new car.

A party is not complete without a craft and a little wrestling.

Storytime with Dare.

Turns out the party was "Just Because We Love Darian."

Apple's Business Model

2009-08-09T23:05:00.005-04:00

It's well known that Steve Jobs is a devoted fan of The Beatles. He's referenced them during several keynote speeches and in a 60 Minutes interview. When asked about his business model during the interview, he replied...

"My model for business is The Beatles: They were four guys that kept each other's negative tendencies in check; they balanced each other. And the total was greater than the sum of the parts. Great things in business are not done by one person, they are done by a team of people."

I've referenced this quote during presentations and in several meetings at work. I also intend on talking to the kiddos about the quote when they get older because I believe it sums up nicely several time-tested, universal principles that are as applicable at home as they are in the workplace.

To be continued...

Only You, In The Entire Universe

2009-08-04T14:40:00.000-04:00

My brother shot himself when he was 15 years old. I was 14.

If you've experienced such a tragedy or read much about it, you know there is a lot of guilt to pass around. Lots of people, particularly those in the closest circle, wonder, "Should I have known?" "Were there signs and I missed them?" They wonder, "Is it my fault?"

Probably the one who took it the hardest was my dad. He was the Sheriff in our town. A rule-follower from way back. Follow the rules and you'll get ahead in life. Break the rules and suffer the consequences. He was fair, but always thorough. Few crimes went unpunished. That's the job when you're the Sheriff and the Dad.

If you remember, there are a lot of rules to be tested when you're 15 and Jody had been testing a lot of them. How do I know? Because, being the dutiful baby sister that I am, I told on him. A lot. For instance, just the week before he killed himself, I came home and he'd been backing the pick up truck in and out of its parking space in our driveway. I told on him. He got in trouble.

My sister thinks she remembers him saying not long before, "I should just kill myself" and she never said anything or did anything about it. Though she admits she's not so sure and wonders if the guilt just put that memory there.

That morning, Jody had a quiz in French class and he was caught cheating. That sweet teacher did what she was supposed to do and told our folks. We all knew he was going to get it. I remember Mrs. M.'s eyes being red and puffy for weeks after.

That evening at Wednesday night church, he'd been behind the building experimenting with stuff he shouldn't have. He was with someone else and I didn't find out until a couple of months ago who it was. That guy has never mentioned a word of it and I can't help but wonder if he's felt guilty over the years.

The premise of "The Shack" is about a father coming to terms with a tragedy that happened to his daughter. Eventually the father breaks down admitting that he feels like it was his fault. Like he should've been able to save her, to protect her and feels the guilt so heavily. He feels the turmoil of the final moments of his daughter's life wondering if SHE was saying, "Where is Daddy?" And, he even feels the shame when he's with the rest of his family just knowing that they feel the same way. That he should have protected her.

It seems so simple, but this line the Holy Spirit-figure speaks hit me like a ton of bricks:

"Only you, in the entire universe, believe that somehow you are to blame."

I always dismissed the guilt that all those in my brother's close circle might have felt, thinking that was so silly to think they should've or could've done something differently, yet the guilt that I felt was so real and painful and smothering.

In reality:

Only my dad, in the entire universe, believed that somehow he was to blame.

Only my sister, in the entire universe, believed that somehow she was to blame.

Only the French teacher, in the entire universe, believed that somehow she was to blame.

And, only I, in the entire universe, believed that somehow I was to blame.

So, where does all that guilt come from?

"A thief is there only to steal and kill and destroy. I came so that they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." John 10:10

The enemy has stolen a lot from my family over the years, but I'm learning to recognize it for what it is. I want that better life Jesus talked about, don't you? Are there any lies you've been believing?

"Why" by Rascal Flatts

2009-08-03T16:53:00.003-04:00

If you've ever lost someone to suicide, the new Rascal Flatts' album, Unstoppable, has a song that will touch your heart. It's called Why and it's worth the $1.29 download from itunes.

You must have been in a place so dark

You couldn't feel the light

Reaching for you through that stormy cloud

Now here we are gathered in our little home town

This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why? That's what I keep asking

Was there anything I could have said or done?

Oh, I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

God only knows what went wrong

and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen as a 17 year old

Rounding third to score the winning run

You always played with passion no matter what the game

When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why? That's what I keep asking

Was there anything I could have said or done?

Oh, I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

Oh God only knows what went wrong

and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swaying in the early autumn breeze

The golden sun is shining on my face

In tangled thoughts I hear the mocking bird sing

"this old world really ain't that bad a place"

Oh, why? There's no comprehending and who am I to try judge or explain?

But I do have one burning question

Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?

They were wrong

They lied

Now your gone and we cry

It's just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song

Your absolutely beautiful song

Make Each Day Your Masterpiece

2009-08-02T06:44:00.000-04:00

I have so many stories to tell, so many pictures to share and I'm so far behind I don't know where to start. Pics of Spain, the beach, Little Rock, Chase's "Just Because" party, swim lessons, a date with Grandaddy, "box day", 20th reunion, and a few deep thoughts about marriage, forgiveness and first loves.

I'll just be lame and show the new wall I created in the basement. Believe it or not, the new bedding necessitated rearranging some furniture from downstairs, which left a giant wall empty. For a brief moment, I thought about using chalk paint on the bottom half, but I swore off painting after I primed and painted all the trim, including baseboards, in the entire basement when I was six months pregnant with Ava. (Count 'em, we have no fewer than 8 doors down there, three of them double, sliding doors!) Besides, the super cool train table that their Grandpa built has a flip-top that turns into a chalk table. And, I wanted something I could easily change to suit the season of our lives.

Here's how it turned out:

The black circles are Chalk Dots from Target. (Does anyone else get excited about this stuff?) I used the excess trim on the square as a little visual interest and added each of the kids' initials, so there'd be no arguing over whose is whose. The best part is they are repositionable! The wording above is not, but it is removable without hurting the paint. There's a whole slew of different sayings at Hobby Lobby.

Having kids has sparked more creativity than I ever would've given myself credit for. They are my inspiration. What's yours?

A Playground and Taco Bell...A Near Perfect Friday Night

2009-08-01T09:24:00.007-04:00

Friday nights are always full of possibilities. So many possibilities, in fact, that we sometimes default to doing absolutely nothing. Not so last night. Kristin decided to take Grandaddy and Sam to Chili's for some barbecued ribs and one of her favorite desserts – molten lava cake. For the rest of us, Bryan Park seemed like a wise choice.

I had just finished watching Pool Hall Junkies, a movie that my friend Rocky loaned me, the night before, and I wanted to drop it off first. His place is a little closer to the Templeton school playground than Bryan Park, and we hadn't played at the school before, so I decided to give it a shot.

It's really exciting to be on the scene when one of the kids steps way out of their comfort zone. In this case, it was Chase on the monkey rings (like monkey bars, but with chains and handles instead of static bars).

At first, he'd climb onto the platform, and I'd help him lean forward far enough to grab the first set of rings. Then, he'd hang there by himself for a second or two before asking me for help getting down. We did that a few times and then I suggested that he let go and drop 2 to 3 feet to the ground on his own. After that, he did that whole process on his own a few more times. Then, finally, with me off to the side talking to Rocky, I saw him swing off the platform while holding the first set of rings before reaching out to grab the second set of rings. He hung on the second set for a few seconds before dropping to the ground.

I'm wondering how much Sam's recent progress on the monkey rings attached to our wooden playset at home influenced him. She actually made it all the way across on her own this week...

6 rings!!

We decided to the head to the library to grab some movies next. Unfortunately, the Bloomington library closes at 6p.m. on Friday. We drove around a bit showing Rocky the sites because he's new to town. I started feeling hungry and suggested Taco Bell. The highlight of the taco feast? There were three: (1) Chase eating 3 whole tacos and half an order of cinnamon twists by himself, (2) me getting 3 free tacos because Rocky didn't order sour creme on his and (3) seeing Ava and Chase dancing around to the 50's music in between bites of taco.

What a great Friday night (and I didn't even get into whipping Rocky on my Playstation 3).

Fill Me In On The Last 20 Years

2009-07-24T10:12:00.005-04:00

This has been the frequent request as I catch up with old acquaintances on Facebook. I've written versions of the following so many times in the past few months, I thought I'd post it here. 20 years of life in 500 words or less. (Sort of.)

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After high school, I went to Western Kentucky University to major in music. I don’t know that I took full advantage of the college experience in the best way, but I did graduate with honors and some very good friends for life.

My mom talked me into going straight to grad school (even though I didn’t want to) by saying, “I just don’t think you’ll be reaching your full potential if you don’t.” Since I was too chicken to sing and did not enjoy children enough to want to be a teacher, I settled on a program in Arts Administration – the business side of music. The closest program to home was in Bloomington, IN at Indiana University, so off I went.

Again, I didn’t love the school part, but to this day I have dear friends from that time in my life. (For example, I worked at the opera house ticket office for a fantastic guy. He and his wife just shared a mess of beans from their garden. THOSE are friends worth keeping!)

I fell in love with a boy at IU, so after my internship in Washington, D.C., I moved back to Bloomington to start a career and continue that relationship. (Turns out I didn't enjoy children until I found a guy I thought would be a terrific dad. From then on, my perspective changed dramatically about kids.) I took a job as an account executive at a very fun advertising agency called Hirons & Co. It was a crash course in the corporate world.

I learned so much in that short time. Not only about work, but how to work through a broken heart. It seems like Bloomington is where I grew into myself. My choices, my decisions, my mistakes -- but they were all mine. Not influenced by my family or a lifetime of “this is what so-and-so is doing.” Again, friends were the highlight of that time. Some now in California, Texas, Illinois and a few, thankfully, still in Bloomington.

During the transition from that job to working as the press secretary for the Bloomington Mayor, I met my man, Brian. Two things that I remember: I remember feeling so honored that the Mayor sought me out for that job when I wasn’t even looking for a change. And the other thing is that in the small group of people introducing themselves that day, I remember thinking, “Oh, he works for the OTHER ad agency in town.”

Brian and I met at church among a group of young, single professionals. It sounds much holier than it was. There was a time that I thought, “Oh my goodness. I’m going to have to tell my children I met their father in a bar.” I’m glad I don’t have to.

The next two years were a whirlwind of milestone after milestone.

Started a new job.
Bought my very own condo.
Found out my father had colon cancer.
Married Brian.
Found out Dad’s cancer was terminal.
Quit my job.
Sold the condo.
Moved to Louisville.
Helped take care of Daddy until he died.
Started a new job.
Finished building a house that someone else had started.

Happy. Sad. Thrilled. Devastated. I cried a lot. And grew up some more.

While Brian worked at that other agency’s new office in Louisville, I worked in the marketing department at LG&E Energy. It was fun to commute with my hubby and work so close together we could meet for lunch. When we finished our house, our commute from little Sellersburg, IN was a third of what it was in Louisville proper.

A little dream of mine came true while I was taking piano lessons from the fantastic John Bizianes in Louisville. He and his twin brother had a band called "Double Vision" (get it?) that needed a female lead vocal and they asked me to do it. I LOVED it. I got to sing songs I loved, dress in fancy clothes and they even paid me for it. Memories I'll treasure for a lifetime. (Click here and scroll down to the Double Vision listing. You'll see a pic of the band from back in the day and you can even hear a snippet of me singing!)

The fun really began when we had our first baby girl, Samantha, who is now 6 (and a half, she will quickly tell you.) Brian had a job working out of the house then, so he took care of the baby while I went back to work for a few months. I stayed home for good when she was about 7 months old and have never regretted that decision.

Talk about growing up! Nothing like marriage and a new baby to make you realize all your shortcomings. I met a terrific lady while I lived in Sellersburg. She is a few years older and her kids are in the next stage of life ahead of mine. She is my friend and mentor. Everyone needs one. If she hasn’t been there, she’ll help me figure out what to do anyway. Her friendship and wisdom permeates almost everything I do. If you don’t have one these, go shopping for one RIGHT NOW! I found mine at church…it’s a great place to start.

Grandaddy came to live with us while I was pregnant with Chase. Read more about that by clicking here. For those of you who knew my dad, you might like to know we named our son after him. You can read about that here.

Since we can’t seem to stay away from a challenge, Brian was offered a job back in Bloomington at Cook, Inc., so he started up here while I stayed back to have a baby and sell the house. Then we lived in a furnished, rental condo for six months while we built a house up here that would accommodate an elderly person and a growing family. Here’s what I always say about building a house, “If Brian wants to build a second house, he’ll have to do it with his second wife!” Some people love the process and I am not one of those. I tend to care more about living my life than what color the switch plates should be. Crazy, huh?

Chase was such a good baby that Ava followed very soon after. Chase just turned four this past June and Ava will be three in September.

Grandaddy is still with us and very healthy. He fixes his own breakfast every morning. Samantha will be starting 1st Grade in just a couple of weeks. (Click here to read about why we homeschool.) Chase is more handsome and sweet than I could’ve been smart enough to ask for. And, our little, red-headed Ava keeps us on our toes, but mostly follows whatever mischief her big brother and sister are into.

I could not be happier with my life. I love teaching my kids and learning from them, too. I love that I get to know my Grandad in a whole new way in these very golden years. I love that I get to share the joys and challenges of life with a wise and loving man who cares more about the character of our family than the kind of car we drive.

I’m still a huge Elvis fan and I’m reminded of the first stanza of an old hymn from one of his gospel albums.

Why me, Lord? What have I ever done

to deserve even one of the treasures I’ve known?

Tell me, Lord? What did I ever do

that was worth loving you or the kindness you’ve shown?

Now, fill me in on the last 20 years of YOUR life!

Weddings Make Me Happy

2009-07-18T22:15:00.015-04:00

Hang on to your hats, folks. You'd think it was my own wedding album, I have so many pictures.

Brian's cousin, Tricia, married Dave in Sarasota on June 28th. It afforded our family a fantastic opportunity for a vacation to beautiful Bradenton Beach nearby. The wedding and part of the reception were outdoors. Beautiful isn't the right word for it. It was perfect. Truly perfect and we had a ball!

Brian's brothers, Derek and Chris, and Chris' girlfriend, Rachel.

And, I was there, too!

The happy couple.

Sammie loved meeting the bride and followed her around for an obnoxiously long time and Trish was sweet enough to let her.

Brian's Aunt Mary on his father's side, the mother of the bride. She's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. When we told Sammie Aunt Mary would be there, she said, "Woohoo!" She has that effect on people.

Trish thought of everything right down to the dino bites (ketchup already on the plates) with mac and cheese for the kids' dinners. Chase's FAVorite!

The other happy couple.

All my kids are in love with Rachel and they want her to be with them all the time. And, so do we.

The newest baby in the family is Trish's big sister's baby, Ryder. My kids love babies, so they each got a turn to hold him and Ava went first. She did well until she started poking him in the eyes.

Doesn't Chase look like a natural? He was rocking baby Ryder here. What you don't see is when he rocked him too far the other way and the heavy-headed baby went all the way over, face first in the grass. They didn't let us hold him anymore.

Pa and Ava have a special relationship. Pa tells her to do certain things and she takes them as mere suggestions, so they have a long talk about it until he sees her way.

The wedding colors were hot pink, orange and bright yellow. This is on the empty Chinese take-out boxes: Because you've made our lives so sweet, please fill this box with your favorite treats. They had huge containers of pink, orange and yellow jelly beans, salt water taffy and malted milk balls. That was a lot of sugar for the ride home, but the kids loved it!

The ceremony was still in the heat of the day, so they'd filled this bucket full of cold, bottled water. After the ceremony, they brought out an identical bucket filled with games for the kids. Bubbles, frisbees, giant balloons and other fun stuff. Is she brilliant or what? Reminded me of our wedding reception. It was gourmet desserts for the grown ups and a special kids' table where they could decorate their own cookies and cupcakes.

It was a perfect open space for the kids to play after having to sit still for 13 whole minutes!

I couldn't convince anyone to dance, so I started with Rachel! After awhile they played a new line dance called the Cupid Shuffle (which I thought was the Cuban Shuffle for about a month) and Derek hopped right out there with me. I wish I had a picture of THAT!

Then Brian and I snuck in one swing dance which was the most fun of the night for me. Are my boys handsome or what?

At least Chase watched the girls from the view of the dance floor.

I'm so grateful we were invited to be a part of their special day. My Daddy used to say that everyone should have a big wedding with lots of festivities and lots of witnesses. It's about more than just the two saying "I do". That one day is a memory to treasure for a lifetime.

They Change in the Blink of the Eye

2009-07-12T22:30:00.016-04:00

Kristin and the kids have been in Little Rock since last Wednesday. I was at a meeting from Wednesday to Saturday, so I had plenty to keep me occupied. Now that I'm back home, though, it sure feels lonely. So, I just looked through my iPhoto library. The first thing that came to mind as I looked at the pictures is that I can't believe how much the kids have changed in such a short period of time...

It's His Bedroom, Too!

2009-06-24T08:28:00.005-04:00

My poor man has endured a floral bedspread for our entire married life. Almost every time I've gone shopping, I looked to see if something else might work. It was all made a little trickier because of the dark purple wall behind our bed and a really terrible floral fabric on an antique loveseat we have at the end of the bed. I finally found the perfect thing at Kohl's last week. Charcoal grey on one side and deep lavender on the other.

The set came with a bedskirt which we'll never use because we have a sleighbed. So, I cut the skirt to pieces and made a window valance, tie backs and even an accent pillow.

They were asking $50 for this one.

And, I made this one with a twenty cent piece of felt and a broach from my Grandmother's jewelry box.

Everything was done with a straight stitch, so don't tell me you can't. If I can, you can!

Happy Father's Day, honey.

Learning Success

2009-06-22T21:31:00.002-04:00

I've written a few times about the WonderLab of Health, Science and Technology here in Bloomington. It's a part of a network of children's science museums nationwide. Here's the great news for a tight-wad like me...if you're a member of WonderLab, which we are, you get free access to the other science museums in the network (I don't think this includes the Indianapolis Children's museum, though...gotta check on that one).

So, after Chase, Ava and I dropped off Sam and Kristin at the Derby Dinner Playhouse in Jeffersonville, IN this past Saturday, we went to the Louisville Science Center. I have some pictures to post (one of which is in Kristin's post from earlier today). For now, I'm including

a part of a display in the creativity/invention/ingenuity section of the center...

How People Learn

In one year's time, it is estimated that people remember:

10% of what they hear,

15% of what they see,

20% of what they see and hear,

40% of what they discuss with others,

80% of what they directly experience and practice,

90% of what they attempt to teach another person.

Summer Dresses

2009-06-22T15:48:00.004-04:00

Our sweet Sammie loves crafty stuff. When we were in Joann Fabrics a couple months ago, she saw this on display:

She asked if we could make matching dresses, "just for the girls." So, she chose the fabric for all of us and off we went.

We got up really early to meet my Mom for an event, so the girls still look like they're half asleep and since we were running late, it's not a great picture of the lengths, but you get the idea. I actually am not great at crafting, so I didn't get the right amount of fabric for two of the black dresses, so I made Ava's into a summer shirt. The word "hoochie-mama" came to mind, but I suppose you can get away with it when you're two.

The girls look more alive here....

Click here if you want the directions. Believe me, if I can, you can. And, it's fun to do a project with the little ones. They love to help!

Favorite Food Combos

2009-06-17T15:22:00.002-04:00

So, if I don't write these down now, my own grandchildren will never believe me.

Grandaddy was raised in the South and has some very strange food tastes, in my opinion. Of course, he thinks all the salads and wraps and hummus we eat is strange. He loves fried foods, anything barbecued and a big batch of turnip greens to go along side them. Any one food can be written off as quirky or just someone's taste. But the way he combines some foods -- I mean will NOT eat one without the other -- is well...I'll let you decide:

Oysters and ketchup.

Sardines and peanut butter.

Vinegar and white beans.

Tomato slice over peanut butter bread.

Or, onion slice over peanut butter bread.

But the latest craze is sour pickles (not dill, s-o-u-r pickles) and vanilla wafers.

The worst part is, he can't get the jar open by himself and every single time I open it, I have to use all the strength I have. I'm gripping it like crazy and every single stinkin' time, I spill half the juice down my shirt, splashing on my arms and onto the floor.

Thank goodness he can get the sardines open on his own.

Either He Is or He Isn't

2009-06-12T10:03:00.005-04:00

I wrote a few weeks ago about discovering I'm still a little miffed at God for taking my Dad before I was ready.

I was going through a short study on the life of King David. The teacher had said if we're wondering why the next great thing hasn't happened in our lives, maybe we have some work to do in the present. (The next great thing can mean different things to different people. A new adventure of some kind. A new job. A new baby. Finding your soul-mate. Finding peace in singleness or finally figuring out your calling, whatever that may be.)

I'm not waiting for the next great thing, because I truly feel like I'm in the middle of something great rearing my children and caring for Grandaddy, but I also knew she'd struck a chord about me be devastated by God. I don't want to have my heart break every time I think of my Dad or other losses. I know I'll always miss them, but I don't want to be mad about it, for heaven's sake! Faith is NOT defined by God doing what I tell him to. Otherwise, it's not faith at all.

In studying God's Word, I was taken back to some Biblical truths like:

God is good.

God is holy.

God keeps his promises.

God is unbelievably gracious.

And, what God does is always consistent with who He is.

Not only does He say all these things in His Word over and over, my LIFE is living proof of these truths.

Sometimes I need to hear the truth said in different ways by different people with different illustrations. At the same time this study was going on, I finally read "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young. My heart and mind were challenged on almost every page. To quote a beloved friend, "It bent my brain!" I hope to write about other things I wrestled with in the book, but regarding my need to move on from my broken heart, I'll share some excerpts that opened my heart a little.

The main character goes through a devastating loss and has the chance to say to the God-character, "You may not cause those things, but you certainly don't stop them." (Hhhmmm..this sounds familiar.)

The God-character answers:

There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story....your choices are not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.

In other words, God is bigger than I am. I know, I know. It's an old precept. God is bigger. His ways are higher. As well they should be if He's a god worth His salt! We cannot possibly understand how each person's story and choices and circumstances intertwine with hundreds of others. It made me think of those trillion piece puzzles where it looks all fuzzy up close, but when you stand back you can see a beautiful scene. I am a puzzle piece and I can only see a couple of dozen puzzle pieces from my little dot on the map. But, it's God that sees the beautiful scene. He's the ONLY one who created all the pieces, holds them in His hands and knows where they all fit.

On the next page, He goes on to say:

The real underlying flaw in your life is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything -- the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives -- is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.

So, for me it comes down to this: Do I trust that God is trustworthy or do I trust that He is not?

We were asked to consider when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, "Would Lazarus question why he died in the first place?" NO! He walked out of that tomb and rejoiced! I want to rejoice even when I don't understand, don't you?

Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading. Oswald Chambers

I do love the One leading, because He first loved me. (I John 4:19.)

Birthdays, Cousins and Mr. Roboto

2009-06-11T06:30:00.000-04:00

The First Week of Summer

Cousin AJ and "Baby" Marie came for their first summer visit. I don't think they'll want to come back any time soon, but we're hoping they'll be ready again by next summer. We loved having them!

Chase turned a whopping four years old and picked out an Iron Man cake to celebrate.

This is the picture that makes Marie look so much like her pretty Momma.

Grandaddy gave Chase a Spiderman fishing pole. Look how excited Sammie is about it!

GiGi got Chase a gift he's been talking about for over a year: Better Batter Baseball. His sisters got him the fancy helmet, which protects him from what I don't know, but it's still cool.

Marie tried everything, too! Isn't she precious?

Here's some baby pool fun. I really included it because it's the only evidence I have that Ava was actually here all week! I guess most of the big fun happens when she's napping. Sorry, baby.

Ava and Sam prepared two dozen eggs for scrambling one morning when Honor and Adam came to get the kids. The pictures on the cabinet are still left over from our welcome home from Spain. I finally took them down yesterday.

The boys got along so well and played and played.

Sammie's new flying trick. (Don't be scared Grandma, but Ava does it, too!)

Take a look, Scheurichs! We finally got our own Crazy Daisy.

Fun in the sun is a great start to summer, but it's not summer to Chase until Mr. Roboto makes an appearance at VBX (our church's version of vacation Bible school.) He talks about him year-round and looked forward to seeing him everyday. This is him waving at Mr. Roboto and Mario at the VBX closing program.

We had so much fun all week, there was even a day when all five kiddos took a nap. And, we even wore out the biggest kid of all.

More pools! More swinging! More cake! More naps! More summer!!!!! Bring it on....

First Lemonade Stand

2009-06-10T07:11:00.000-04:00

When Sam asked if they could put up a lemonade stand, I glanced out the door to see if there were any neighbors home to come drink it. It was Saturday, so the chances were a little bit higher of having customers than other middays.

I wondered how a six-year old would price a dixie cup o' lemonade. A penny? A hundred dollars or so? I was happy to get out the stencils and markers for this price point:

"Look, Mom. We did teamwork!"

Don't you just love neighbors who act like pink lemonade is the greatest thing they've ever put in their mouths?

I love summer, don't you?

A Real Looker

2009-06-09T11:36:00.004-04:00

When Mom and I were in Florida, we got stares and gawks and a few whistles. Teenage boys were making bets and middle-aged men would point and just smile. I felt so young.

I pretended they were looking at me, but I knew the truth. It WAS hot and spotless and fantastic. It just wasn't me!

It's true that this car made me feel young and hip (until I had to pull my mom out of the bucket seat.) What I'm saying in this picture is, "Bring on the mid-life crisis!"

What's your mid-life crisis car?

If You're Readin' This

2009-06-03T14:49:00.005-04:00

Even though we all say it's highly unlikely, I always write a letter to my children when Brian and I leave on a trip together just in case something happens to us. It's incredibly important to me that my children know how much I love them. So, before we left for Spain, I did it again. I figured why save it for when I'm dead? I want them to know I love them while I'm alive, too.

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Dear Samantha, Chase and Ava,

If you're reading this it means Aunt Tracy has decided you're ready to hear from us, and that something happened on our trip to Spain. Some parents would never leave their children for fear of something happening to the kids or themselves. The truth is: anything can happen. Any time, anyplace to anyone. God does not want us to live in fear!

I hope when you choose a mate, you'll realize the great importance of maintaining a strong, relationship between the two of you even after - especially after the kids come along. This is what your Daddy and I were doing in Spain -- strengthening our oneness.

I want you to know how much I love each of you. You are so precious to me. I never really knew what a calling was -- what it meant to have a passion for something, until you came along. What a gift!

Samantha, my first born. You are everything they say in the books about first-borns! You are so smart, independent-thinking, brave, industrious and creative. You already show signs of being a great mama the way you take care of your baby brother and sister. Your literacy teacher, Mrs. Barnhill, pegged you right on when she said, "Samantha is so excited about everything." You love to cook, experiment, create, draw, paint, eat out and learn new things. You have your Grandad Logsdon's beautiful blue eyes. You are my favorite Samantha and I love you very much.

Chaser, you have so many nicknames, its hard to choose which to use! I have never known a sweeter boy. You were such a good baby (which is why Ava is so close to your age!) Right now, you look up to Sammie like she hung the moon and you two play so well together. (She used to read to you in your playpen.) You are also a brave and strong boy! You once pushed a boy down because you thought he was hurting Ava. God built it in you to protect the weak. That's a gift -- use it well. I love that you narrate our life as we go -- giving us the play by play of who is doing what and often adding fictional characters and events that make us laugh and laugh. (Ask Grandma Scheurich about the wild pigs!) You are my favorite Chaser and I love you very much.

Wee Little Ava -- that's what Daddy always calls you. Everyone notices Sammie's blue eyes, that Chase looks exactly like Daddy and Ava's red hair. They say red-heads are fiesty, independent and strong-willed -- that nails you completely, my darlin'. Don't let anyone tell you those are bad things. It means you also have the gift of tenacity. Coupled with the Lord's wisdom, you will be a mighty warrior for His kingdom. Grandaddy wasn't so sure about me having a third child and now he loves you so much he's passed on his own nickname to you -- "Shorty." When we talked about his hesitation the other day, he said, "Shows what I know!" You're my favorite Ava and I love you very much.

Aunt Tracy and Uncle D. will take care of you now. If ever you question that decision remember this: I do not believe they are perfect, but they are perfect for us and perfect for you. They loved you from the moment you were born and so did Parker, Kenna and Logan. They will always choose what's best for each of you -- trust in that.

I never had the freedom (or wisdom) to ask so many things of my mother and Daddy. Please, please, please ask anything of Aunt Tracy. She will be completely honest with you even if it's hard to understand.

I feel a burden to share some Biblical wisdom, but I am no Bible scholar. I do believe that the son of God walked this earth and died for me. I look to him and his word to guide me in this life. And while there is much I don't understand, I believe that when you call him your Lord, I will see you again.

To quote one of your (current) favorite characters: "God made you special and He loves you very much."

So do I, sweet darlin's -- so do I.

Mom

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Don't leave your children, spouse or parents wondering how you really feel about them. No doubts. No regrets. Help them remember and know that they know that they KNOW you love them.

The First Running of The Mattatha 500

2009-05-27T21:55:00.009-04:00

Mattatha is the name of the street where we live. Today, it was the site of the inaugural running of The Mattatha 500. Chase and Sam did their best A.J. Foyt and Rick Mears impersonations, and Ava was the pit chief...

This is the first time I've posted video. Can't get the audio to work, but the video footage sure adds a new dimension...

Mac N' Cheese, Please

2009-05-26T23:11:00.009-04:00

Kristin has been with her Mom in Florida since Saturday. I've taken off work to spend some time with the kids. We miss her a lot, but we're holding our own. For example, I'm happy to say that I've been feeding the kids a pretty healthy diet...fresh fruits, carrots, raw cheese (from the Amish at the local Farmer's Market), almonds, etc.

That said, as the kids and I were heading back from the local GM dealer (I had one of the front hubs replaced because the bearing was going out) today, I asked them what they wanted for dinner. Mac n' cheese was the most popular response.

As we were making this classic dish, I noticed a box of pudding in the cabinet. Since we already had the milk and measuring cups out, we decided to make some pudding, too. It's fun to see how much the kids liked joining in on the food preparation action. (I wish I had captured on video some of little details of the four Arnold cooks in the kitchen. Kristin would've been proud!)

So, here was our final menu: a little salad to begin, shells and cheese as the main course (Sam, Chase and Ava all had two helpings), ginger ale and instant vanilla pudding with vanilla wafers and banana slices.

They loved the meal...go figure. Grandaddy even joined us. Everyone had a big smile on their face at the beginning of (well, actually, they weren't too fond of the salad part), during and after the meal. It's probably good if this menu is only served occasionally, though...

I wasn't sure how to spell mac n' cheese. So, before writing this post, I did a quick Google search and inadvertently stumbled upon this article likening mac n' cheese to a cigarette. I was drawn into the debate, which left me feeling a bit guilty afterwards. Not guilty enough to forget this memorable evening and meal any time soon, though.

Grandpa Arnold, Andy Weiss and Memorial Day

2009-05-25T14:17:00.007-04:00

It turns out that I was writing my drive-in blog entry below the same time Kristin was in Florida writing her annual Memorial Day entry. She must've hit "publish post" right before I did, so my post appeared at the top as the newest one. In her newest post, which I hope you'll read, she linked to her 2008 MD post (click "Andy"). The 2008 MD post talks a lot about my brother-in-law, Andy Weiss, and my Grandpa Arnold. It's been two years or so since Andy was killed in Iraq, and grandpa, a WWII vet, passed away a few weeks ago. I'm remembering both of them today.

Three Lessons I Learned at the Drive-In

2009-05-25T13:00:00.014-04:00

I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie at a drive-in theatre. It might have been with my Uncle Joe and Aunt Myrna (in Lafayette, IN at the drive-in on State Road 26), but I'm not sure. Geez...I was probably 10 or so. No wonder I can't remember. I feel really old at times.

There's actually a drive-in outside Bloomington – Starlite Drive-In Movie Theatre. For one reason or another, we hadn't gone there in the four years we've lived here...until this past Friday night.

Since Kristin and Gi Gi (that's what the kids call Kristin's mom) were getting ready to leave at 4:30 a.m. Saturday morning to go to Florida for a week of R&R, Friday night was my best bet for taking Sammie out on the date I'd promised her. Kristin suggested that I take Sam and Chase. So, Ava was crying as we were packing our lawn chairs, drinks, candy and popcorn. Of course, I caved in and said she could come ... against my better judgement.

We parked next to the Newlands for Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum 2. I think the kids had a great time. I had a so-so time. The movie was weak, and Ava was driving me crazy -- before (walking out of my sight), during (talking loudly) and after (whining) the movie. This line from an email Kristin sent me from Florida the next day made me feel a little better: "Cindy said Ava was good and that it probably just seemed loud to you because you're the dad. Said she was so cute."

Here are the three lessons I learned:

1. Six, four and two is not a good age mix for one parent at a drive-in theatre.

2. I need to keep working on the way I respond to the kiddos during stressful situations. I also need to remember that Sam, Chase and Ava are six, four and two, respectively. It's funny how easily I forget their ages, and talk to them like they are adults.

3. Drive-ins can be a lot of fun. One family brought Chinese food, another brought an inflatable mattress...it felt a little like a tailgate party. I'd love to go at least a few more times this summer.

Little Things Can Mean A Lot

2009-05-25T06:50:00.000-04:00

When our flight landed Saturday, the flight attendant made her announcement welcoming us to Atlanta and thanking us for choosing Delta airlines, she added something to the effect of, "And we are honored to have a serviceman on board with us today, please take a moment and show your appreciation for his service to our country."

The relatively quiet crowd came to life as we applauded the young man. I couldn't even see the back of the guy's head, but it made me happy to be able to do such a little thing. Dare I admit that I got all teary? I think I'm becoming a sap in my old age.

We don't see a lot of men and women in uniform in Bloomington, although there is a National Guard post here. Last year, I noticed some military guys for a few days in a row downtown. I stopped in a little place for lunch one day and a group of them were eating together. There were too many of them to buy all their lunches, but I did treat them to a table full of iced teas and was able to say thanks in person on my way out. I told them my life was peaceful and protected and I felt safe because of the sacrifices that they and their families make. It was easier for me to buy the drinks from a distance than to speak to them in person. I was really nervous.

I told Brian about it when I got home asking him if he thought that was dumb or if he would've appreciated it when he was called up. He said it was a good thing to do. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but rather to say that I believe little acts of appreciation and kindness can mean a lot. Maybe you think there's nothing you can do that would matter, but you'd be wrong. Some people put flags on graves. Some people put their hand over their hearts when the National Anthem is sung. (Some people actually know all the words and sing out loud on the high notes!) I've even seen short notes of thanks passed on Facebook in the last couple of days.

On Memorial Day, we are given a day off to honor and remember those who have given their lives for our freedoms. People like sweet Andy. I hope Brian and I will leave a legacy to our children about honoring, even in the smallest ways, those who serve right now -- today -- the ones who don't get off their job on Memorial Day because they are protecting my family in this moment in time. Maybe you have some good ideas about how to do that. I'd love for you to share.

In the meantime, for whoever is reading this and has served our country, I invite you to come over for a glass of tea on us!

When In Rome, Do As You Normally Do

2009-05-19T01:58:00.001-04:00

I wrote several months ago about the minor differences in Brian's eating habits from mine.

It's been more than a little funny to me here. Brian had pizza the first night we were here and has ordered two hamburgers at least. One of the natives took us to a tapas restaurant called Txapela one night.

Our paper placemat had pictures of each of the 50 appetizer-sized choices. But a separate menu in six languages explained each choice.

Here's what Brian ordered:

Xistorra de Navarra

Xoric confitat a la sidra

Brie fos

Bunoi de bacalla amb allioli suau

Hamburguesa amb formatge i mostassa

Doesn't that sound exotic? When it came it was the equivalent of two different kids of hot dogs, grilled cheese, fried fish and a hamburger.

I love it!

Riddle #4

2009-05-18T12:48:00.002-04:00

Can you guess which famous restaurant this is in Barcelona?

Answer to Riddle #3

2009-05-18T07:31:00.003-04:00

Comfortable shoes are too hard for me to find in my size to chance purchasing all I would need here, but I like how you people think!

Today, I'm wearing my 9th and final pair of shoes. I suppose I COULD have survived on fewer, but really, I'm not camping or anything, so why rough it?

More Things I've Noticed in Spain

2009-05-15T18:31:00.005-04:00

They smoke a lot here. Doesn't anyone get lung cancer in Spain?

You can only adjust the temp in your hotel room by 2 degrees. Good idea, I guess, but I don't like it.

The olive trees take up to 60 years to produce the first olive.

This is how the pickpockets were described to us: "Zey use zer intelligenz, not vi-o-lenz, so do not be frightened."

The trees line the city streets and it makes everything seem cozier.

Tipping is not expected here. It's only given if you are very, very happy and the littlest amount is acceptable.

Of all the places he's visited in the world, Brian still says he loves America best. I'm still deciding....

Riddle #3

2009-05-14T09:17:00.001-04:00

How many pairs of shoes should a girl take on a 10 day trip to Spain?

Things I've Noticed in Spain

2009-05-12T11:15:00.008-04:00

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you.

– Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth

For the first time, I got a glimpse into Brian's world as a working man. (I never believed him when he said it was hard to be away as he called from a five star hotel.) It's the Arnold custom to stand on the front porch and wave frantically, screaming "Byyyyyyyyyyyye. I love you!" to whoever is leaving us. My precious babies did this for us when we left Sunday to go Spain and my heart sank. Everything I hold precious was right there, getting smaller in the rearview mirror. I know they are well taken care of and our trip will be a memorable time in our relationship, but still......still.

Off to Spain. We are staying at a five star hotel built for the '92 Olympics. I remarked to Brian that it's the grandest hotel I've ever stayed in. When he just shrugged, it occurred to me that my favorite five star hotel is whatever five star hotel I'm occupying at the moment! I often judge a hotel by it's bathroom. I felt a little like Crocodile Dundee when I discovered this:

I understand what it's for, but still can't bring myself to use it.

I wondered, as I lay poolside today, if there was anyone in Barcelona longing for an exotic vacation in the United States. Even if they were, I doubt Bloomington would be in their dreams. I saw these things I thought were floating in the pool. Turns out they are metal and sit just under the surface. I want one! I guess I should get a pool first.

I know Diet Coke is a huge hit in the U.S., but I wondered if this were the label everywhere, if it wouldn't fly off the shelves! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

In case you can't read it, it says, "Coca-Cola light."

In this hotel, they are particularly conscious about conserving energy. The escalator to the mezzanine, for instance, doesn't move until you take the first step and stops as soon as the last person gets off. The place to put your key is not on the door. See this? It's under a row of buttons on a wall to the right of the door....one of which is the buzzer for your room. No plain ol' door knockin' here! (I know that doesn't save energy, I just thought it was cool.) Also, before you can turn on the lights in your room, you have to put your key into another outlet inside the door. So when you take the key out to leave your room, the lights automatically shut off 60 seconds later. I learned this when everything went black in the bathroom -- good thing I have a general idea of where everything important is in there.

The best thing I've discovered so far is their "chocolate caliente." It was the most creamy, luscious thing I've ever put in my mouth. It tasted like my grandma's chocolate pie in an espresso cup!

Lastly, I'm absolutely reeling from reading "The Shack." Read it, read it read it! Ron, Betsy, Tracy, Honor, Adam, Eric, Becky....read it, so we can talk about it. I have every third page dog-eared with something that touched me. Absolutely fascinating, thought-provoking and, and...and, well READ IT!

Derby 135 (Or, First Lessons in Losing)

2009-05-09T06:50:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday, we celebrated the Kentucky Derby in our own special way. Much like last year, we each grabbed a hat and tons of snacks and spent a couple hours in Grandaddy's room watching the festivities. For the record, there were no tears this time.

(I love when he dresses himself.)

We divided the 20 horses among the five of us, so we each had pretty good odds. Chase remembered winning last year and I took the prize this year.

After the race, Sammie disappeared, so I went looking for her. I found her all scrunched up on the couch crying because she didn't win.

Well, well, well, isn't this a good teaching moment?

Besides the fact that hardly ANYONE wins when gambling is involved, I tried to explain that in life, we'll lose more often than we win. That lots of people will finish before we do. And that most of the time when we win, it's because of many, many hours of hard work and dedication and not because we dropped a dollar in a hat and crossed our fingers.

And, we can't win at everything. There's simply not enough time to master everything, so we need to choose carefully the races we're in. Are they worth winning? Worth training for? Am I training for a futile competition of whose children are more polite or whose house is cleanest? (Oh, sorry, this is about Sam.)

Paul wrote it like this to the church in Corinth:

"You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally." (The Message)

Yes. That's exactly what I meant.

Did you learn anything new on Derby day?

Teacher Let the Monkeys Out

2009-05-08T06:55:00.000-04:00

This is Sammie taking her final Sing, Spell, Read & Write test! I'll let you guess her score.

I can hardly believe it. Sammie is finished with Kindergarten. She had her art show last week and took her final test this week. We were supposed to have three days left, but she begged to do it all in one day. She worked really hard and here we are!

Grandaddy treated us to a celebration at Dairy Queen. (He'll snag any excuse to get ice cream.) We captured a few of the moments, though we wish you could've joined us in person.

So many choices, it was hard for this crew to decide!

Like another red-headed friend of mine, little Ava loves her some DQ!

Sammie was making this face because I "hugged her too tight!" I'm so proud of her!

Turns out, it was a little chilly for ice cream. You probably can't tell Chase is shivering, which doesn't seem to hinder the eating part at all.

This is me sucking up to our Principal. His diplomas are conditional!

Move Over, Rembrandt

2009-05-07T07:50:00.000-04:00

Sammie had her art show last week -- the culmination of a years' worth of projects with her homeschool art and literacy co-op.

I'll show Sammie's favorite first: pottery. These two pieces are placed on top of their introduction to weaving.

Since we don't have family in town, we were so thankful for friends who stopped by to support Samantha's creativity. Here she's telling how they did print making. It was my personal favorite.

And an art show is not complete without the still life.

This is Sam's explanation of the piece above: "He had us look at a sculpture and then try to draw it. It was really brown." I hope that's enough so that YOU get it, because I didn't really get it.

Very proud family.

How Many?

2009-05-06T12:40:00.007-04:00

How many Arnolds does it take to light a grill?

If Brian hadn't been on a last-minute run to the store, I'm pretty sure it would've been an even four!

Answer to Riddle #2

2009-04-30T15:54:00.004-04:00

What does it mean when your two-year old comes to you and says, "My neck is hurting?"

It means this: "I haven't gotten sick since I learned to talk and I don't know how to tell you I'm going to throw up in your lap."

Poor Ava.

We let her sleep on the loveseat in our bedroom last night. Brian and I were whispering before we got out of bed this morning and knew she felt better when we heard her say, "Stop talking, guys. I'm trying to sleep."

That Ava.

Riddle #2

2009-04-29T10:49:00.003-04:00

What does it mean when your 2 year old comes to you and says, "My neck is hurting?"

Ideas, Ideas, I Need Ideas!

2009-04-29T08:43:00.002-04:00

My mother-in-law is begging for new posts, but I'm empty. I'm blank. Nothing's coming to me. No one wants to hear how I'm switching the kids summer and winter clothes or the mountain of laundry I conquered yesterday.

So give me some ideas. Anything you're curious about our family? Grandaddy? What color our bathroom walls are? What can I tell you that I haven't already purged on my socky page? Come on...I'll write about almost anything.

If you have an idea you don't want to leave in the comment box for all to read, click on the little envelope picture and you can send me a private email.

West Baden and Water Park

2009-04-24T14:37:00.006-04:00

Last week, the kids and I got to tag along on Brian's business trip to West Baden Spring Resort in French Lick, Indiana. This is the resort that Bill Cook (founder of Brian's workplace) poured millions and millions of dollars into restoring several years ago. It is amazing. Because it's still the off-season, we had run of their indoor pool and their lobby (which is bigger than my neighborhood.)

Sam was an old pro and Chase was fearless. He's ready to practice without his superman arms.

Ava was not so keen on the pool and was content to sit in the chair nibbling her muffin.

That afternoon we roamed the massive grounds and Sam caught absolutely fascinating shots like this:

We also hit an indoor water park recently opened there called Big Splash Adventure and again, we were just about the only people there that day. It was so much fun. Sammie must've gone up the stairs and down the water slides 200 times. Chase was like Billy in the Family Circus comics....in one pool, over the slide, stand in the splashing water, into the swirly pool, climb on the dolphin, "Can I go down the BIIIIG slide, Mom?" Wore me out just following him around. The lazy river, however, was entirely too lazy for him.

Again, Ava was content in pretty much one spot and even made a new friend.

They played so hard they fell asleep in that very loud, echo-y place. I got to read an ENTIRE USA Today. Unheard of.

When Brian was done for the day, he met us there, so I could finally get on the giant slides. I felt like a kid again. This blue and yellow one pictured below is where you go into a tube at the roof of the building and spend some time swirling around in a giant bowl in the middle and the water washes you down the second half of the tubing. AWESOME!

Good times. Good times.

Turns Out, I'm a Little Miffed

2009-04-23T07:38:00.004-04:00

I was reacquainted with a friend a few years ago and she said to me, "You're not as funny as you used to be." Firstly, I don't remember being all that funny. Secondly, I thought to myself (to myself mind you, so I wouldn't smack her), "Life's not as funny as it used to be."

I'm doing a short study on the life of David. The teacher last night said we had to move past our devastation with God in order to move on. Huh? I had to think on that.

If any of you have ever heard me talk about my Dad, you know that I can get teary pretty fast. When Brian and I were having some trouble in our first few years of marriage, I blamed him (Brian) for EVERYTHING. I sought out a counselor who determined I had some unresolved grief issues, the bulk of which is a story for another day. Daddy died of colon cancer the first year of our marriage (no wonder I was in counseling.) Anyway, I dealt with those things in that process.

Or, I thought I did.

A few weeks ago I heard a woman tell the story of her own physical healing, followed by another story of a friend with cancer. She said they prayed earnestly for her healing, but she died. And when her youngest child crawled in her Daddy's lap, she said, "I don't understand, Daddy, we asked God to make her better." He answered her by saying that God made her better in a different way.

A dam was let loose in my heart and it all flowed out my sad, brown eyes. I hate crying. You know, the ugly cry...in front of people. Yes, it's my pride all over again, but I still hate it. I thought I DEALT with it! What's with all the tears? I discovered I'm still a little more than miffed with God about that.

My Dad -- he was one of the good guys. Wanted to do what was right by everybody. He wanted us kids to do the right thing. He was a genuinely nice person and made everyone feel not only loved, but liked. (Except for my boyfriends. He did a nice job of intimidating them.) He was even kind to the prisoners he took to jail -- said everyone deserves respect no matter what they've done. I know my opinion is biased and I can't sum it up in just a few sentences.

I guess we're never ready to let someone go, but this was not fair! He was too young. I was too young. I miss him. I miss him spoiling my kids and playing the "hoopdedoo" game with them. (You have to see it in person to get it.) I think he would come by on Saturday mornings and have coffee with me. I think he'd help Brian clear the woods. I think he'd tell me my Sammie looks just like me and my Ava acts just like me when I was their age. I think he'd puff up like a bull frog about Chase's name and probably call him "Charles" just to make a point. I think he'd lavish on Chase all the boy stuff he didn't get to finish out with Jody.

So back to David. God loved him -- man after His own heart and all. David decided to bring the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem, so the presence of God would be at the center of everything, but during the journey and celebration, someone mishandled the ark and he died on the spot.

The Bible says David was angry because the Lord's wrath had broken out against Uzzah. And, in the next verse that David was afraid of the Lord that day.

Aha...that's me. Angry and afraid. Has God done anything in your life you're mad about? Are you just waiting for him to hand down the next hard thing?

Why didn't he save your marriage?

You raised your children in the church. Why are they so far from him?

Why did he leave you in there high on coke when you really wanted out?

Why is your grandmother suffering still with alzheimers, as confused as a child?

Why did that boy choose that over me?

Why did my best friend alienate me?

Those things are enough to make a person angry. If you're wondering why the next GREAT thing hasn't happened in your life, maybe you've got to move past your devastation with God.

Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to the second part of the lesson, so I don't have good answers on how to move past it yet, but that's where I am today.

Think about it.

Inner Voice – Friend or Foe?

2009-04-19T21:01:00.007-04:00

In my mind, the most important purpose of this blog is to collect stories, inspiration, memorable moments and wisdom for Sam, Chase and Ava. Some posts will be more significant than others. To me, in terms of wisdom that I can impart to the kiddos, this is my most important post yet.

A friend of mine told me about a habit he developed years ago as a high school golfer. He called it being "your own biggest fan." I don't remember his wording exactly, but essentially his method was to tell himself that he was going to succeed, what happened moments ago was a thing of the past, what others think doesn't matter, with more and more practice he could get better and better, etc. He always tried to accentuate the positive, so his inner voice was/is his friend, not a foe.

It's clear to me now that my inner voice – for reasons I can write about in other posts – is a skillful foe, not a friend. For example, I've realized that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about my mistakes and very little time thinking about my successes. It's as if I feel more comfortable being a critic than a fan.

The happy ending to this post is I've come to see it's not too late for me to change my mindset. And, because of my own personal struggles and the progress I'm finally making, I hope I'm in a better position to teach the kids the value of a positive inner voice.

Sammie Didn't Enjoy This Day

2009-04-19T10:32:00.007-04:00

I checked Sammie's homework one day to find she'd controlled her tongue only by writing down her thoughts.

I could tell she tried really hard to erase this portrait of me yelling. Do you think that means she forgives me?

Some Things I'd Rather Forget

2009-04-18T08:50:00.004-04:00

So the very reason I didn't join Facebook is the very one everyone used to convince me of its greatness: it's a great way to connect with people from your past. YIKES!

Here's what I thought: If I connect with people from my past, they'll be reminded of old times. Old times were not so good for me. I was a schmuck really, in a lot of ways. And those are the times I remember. As more people ask to be friends on FB, I realize I have forgotten many things and many people. I honestly don't even recognize their names and then when their faces don't ring a bell, I wonder if I was in a memory--erasing accident or something.

When I was in high school, like a lot of teenagers, I wanted to be liked -- to be in the popular crowd. When I did hang with the popular group, I felt like I was only there on the coat tails of someone else or because they felt sorry for me because of a family tragedy. And, I did some dumb things thinking they would make me more popular. I'm ashamed of the way I let boys treat me back then. When I hung with the not-so-popular crowd, I actually felt more like myself.

In college, I masked my insecurity with loudness and boy-crazy stunts that are really heralded among many "finally free" young adults. I was a music major and as I look back I realize I only did that to please my Dad. My heart wasn't in it. I was there to make the grades and get the degree. Looking back, it's a wonder I didn't get myself in so many un-doable messes. Now they're just un-doable memories.

After grad school, I started making better choices. I fell in love and got my heart broken. So THEN all my choices were an effort to keep from getting my heart broken again. I masked the heartache in fake confidence and very controlling behavior. I'm ashamed at the way I treated men in those days.

In short, I was selfish for a lot of years. For so long it was all about me -- what would make me happy, who would give me the most attention, what did I want out of the day or the relationship. Always looking for that other half that would "complete me". What nonsense!

Now that I'm married (to my perfect match), I know that no one else can complete me (even him) and the source of greatest contentment for me is letting other people know they are loved and they are special. Why does it take so long to learn such things? Or, why did it take ME so long to learn?

So, here I go on Facebook. I really am excited to see what old friends and acquaintances are up to, but I've already sunk my head in shame a few times and it's only been a couple days of friend requests. I'm building up thick skin so I'll have the courage to apologize when I need to.

One of my favorite things about God is that he gives second, third and fourth chances. If given another chance, I hope I'll be a better friend this time around.

From Ordinary to Extraordinary

2009-04-12T05:55:00.001-04:00

I've still got my favorite Christmas card on the fridge and it tells the story of Easter, too.

In an ordinary stable,

He had an extraordinary birth.

And that ordinary baby

Grew into an extraordinary man.

With ordinary words,

He shared an extraordinary message.

And on an ordinary cross,

He died an extraordinary death.

But an ordinary, empty tomb

Proved His extraordinary miracle...

So that ordinary people

Can have extraordinary Life.

A Weekend to Remember

2009-04-06T22:00:00.007-04:00

As a Big Ten fan, I'm quickly losing interest in the Michigan State-North Carolina men's NCAA basketball championship game (A.K.A, a blow-out). So, while I passively watch the game, I thought I'd record some highlights from this past weekend...

1. Chrysalis (the stage before a caterpillar becomes a butterfly) is a Christian retreat for teenagers. The metaphor serves to remind us of Jesus' ability to literally transform anyone that's open and willing to be transformed. From Thursday night until Sunday evening, Kristin served as a Chrysalis table leader. I'm sure she'll write about her experience soon. For now, I'll just say that I know she blessed many while also receiving many blessings herself.

2. It's just not the same when Kristin is gone, but it was nice to experience some special, one-on-one time with Sam, Chase and Ava. We played outside, ate at Taco Bell, visited the Wonder Lab and picked up some videos at the library...and, that was just Friday morning before Mom and Dad came down to spend a few days.

3. Mom and Dad arrived in Bloomington early Friday afternoon. It was a great visit with plenty of good conversation, good food (and "international" theme...pizza, tacos and Chinese), play time with the kiddos and movie watching (including the new Bond flick, Quantum of Solace). As an aside, it's great to see how good of friends Mom, both of my Dads and Kristin's Grandfather have become. We also had a surprise visit...

4. Kathy and Meghan, my sister and niece, decided to make a last-minute visit to take a "little" road trip from their home in South Carolina to Indiana. We were thankful that they decided to include a Bloomington stop while en route to Lafayette.

5. And, last, but certainly not least, there was Palm Sunday. For those of us that believe Jesus is "...the Christ, the Son of the Living God," Palm Sunday commemorates His triumphant entry into Jerusalem in the days leading up to His crucifixion and resurrection. It was encouraging for me to see Sammie's enthusiasm as she took part in a memorable palm-waving procession at church.

I'm missing a lot of details here, but the bottom line is that it was a special weekend, by all accounts. A weary Kristin and I enjoyed talking about the weekend late Sunday night. I'm looking forward to many other similar discussions with Kristin, about other memorable weekends (hopefully, with at least some involving all of the people mentioned in this post), in the future. Thank you, Jesus, for this special weekend, your love and your guidance.

Tent City

2009-04-01T09:50:00.000-04:00

Have you heard anything about the tent cities popping up across the country? I saw a report about one in Sacramento. Apparently, people are losing their homes and just pitching tents in empty fields. There is no water supply, no power source.

Some of the people have been there for months. The journalist interviewed one couple and the wife said they'd been there for over a year. Did she have family? Yes, one son. Does he know you're here? No. Why not? I didn't want him to worry.

WHAT?!?!?!?

Even more surprising to me, is that was a common theme. Many of these people have family, but don't want to ask for help.

Where is the common sense people!?!?! We have such gross extremes in our country. There are 38-year olds still living at home on mom and dad's dime. There are grandparents raising their grandchildren, because the parents don't want to grow up. And, now I'm learning there are people who don't want to worry their children, so they live in a tent.

Infuriating and sad all at once. In many other countries there are cousins, aunts, and grandparents all living under the same, very small, roof. It's normal. There's a lot of family and not a lot of space. Is it pride? Shame? Guilt? What keeps someone from standing on their own two feet when they absolutely can or asking for help when it's truly needed?

Wouldn't you WANT to know if your mom was living in a tent? Of course, I'd be worried. Of course, I'd want to do something about it. Of course, I'd want to help and I'd make sacrifices if necessary to help. Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what family is for?

Please, lady. Tell your son. Let him help you. You gave him a roof over his head when you could. It's his turn.

Happy Blogoversary To Us!

2009-03-31T10:54:00.004-04:00

One year ago today, I wrote my first post .

As an anniversary post, I thought I'd list some of my favorite entries of the year. I had fun looking through them all and chose ten. For my three avid readers, this might not be much fun. If you're new to my sock-filled world, this will give you a glimpse of life in our four walls.

By far, my favorite was taking the time to document my family's legacy of service to our country.

My first, and I think only, Works for Me Wednesday post.

Why I really blog.

Or, my other reason to blog.

Chase's favorite super hero: Hot Girl.

When Brian joined the blog and began making this blog thing a family affair.

I found a place to showcase my beautiful babies on Father's Day.

Some important firsts in A Big Week for the Arnolds.

Getting to tell Grandaddy tales.

Writing down memories so my kids will have a glimpse of their other Grandad.

Who knows what great adventures this next year will bring? Some might be worthy of a read. Some won't matter until my own kids are 30-something and want to remember life as little ones.

Right now, this blog probably matters more to me than anyone else, but I'm glad you're along for the ride!

I'd Rather a Roll in the Hay!

2009-03-28T16:59:00.004-04:00

Funny comments from my last post. My mind wasn't even going in that direction, you naughty girls. Though I must tell you that it's felt a little like having a newborn lately.

The last few weeks we've had some weird thing I like to call Pop Up Fever. You never know when, where or from whom this fever is going to pop up. Each of the three kids has had it. A day at a time. Three days in a row, then nothing, then for another day.

The other night I noticed that 3 was the only hour I didn't see on the clock throughout the night.

"I'm hot."

"I need medicine."

"My legs hurt, will you rub them?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"I need to go paaaahhhhhty!"

"Can I sleep on the couch?"

"I want a drink."

"I fell out of the bed, will you walk me back?"

"I just wanted to tell you I went potty."

And, every time I crawl into bed next to my lovely lump of a husband, I think to myself, "And, HE wants more children."

In all fairness, he gets up with the kids, too, but that's hardly the point when it's MY turn.

So, your comments give me a good thought: If I could be promised a solid five or six hours of sleep in a row, then I'd rather go for a roll in the hay!

Don't Ask Me

2009-03-26T15:46:00.001-04:00

Never ask a woman between the hours of midnight and 7 a.m. if she'd like to have more children.

At least, don't ask me.

That's Loud!

2009-03-24T15:17:00.002-04:00

Ava is frightened of loud noises. The blender, the juicer, the vacuum cleaner. They all send her crying to her momma with hands covering her ears.

She jumped from her bed last week during the thunderstorm and ran to our room for safety. We have a little couch in our room for just such occasions and this is how quickly she went back to sleep:

OUCH!

2009-03-23T16:33:00.000-04:00

Another sign that Spring is here: bare feet outdoors. Since she's constantly telling my children to put their shoes on, my mother would scream, "I told you so!" if she read this story, so I'm hoping she doesn't.

We were all playing on the deck the other day and I heard Chase start yelling, "I need a band-aid! GET A BAND-AAAAAAID!" It was strange, because there was no cry of pain or screaming or anything, just immediately shrieking for a bandage.

Can you see this thing?

Wicked, wicked splinter.

After he realized what it was, of course, and remembering the pain of removing an equally giant-sized one last summer, the bawling began. I tried only once to pull it out, and being the wuss that I am, I called Brian to come home and get it. While the sympathetic Mom was taking pictures, Grandaddy came over, grabbed a hold of his foot with one hand and the splinter with the other and with one big yank, out it came.

Of course, Chase was screaming at the trauma and I was laughing internally at the fact that Grandaddy can't grip the coke bottle to get it open, but he did this heroic thing for his great-grandbaby.

Chase sulked in the chair for a long time trying to pull himself together. Grandaddy kept asking, "You ain't mad at your ol' Grandaddy, are you, boy?"

He just shook his head no. I snuck a sucker over to Grandaddy to give to Chase as a peace offering and it was definitely the best medicine. About ten minutes after, I found Chase on the couch. Such trauma can sure take it out of you.

I was just getting ready to hit "publish" when Ava started crying from the deck. You guessed it...she needed a band-aid for the splinter. I really hate it when my mom is right.

Ava's Body Art

2009-03-18T10:14:00.004-04:00

Grandaddy and Ava were so proud to show me a new pastime they'd discovered together a few weeks ago. They had taken turns drawing on eachother's hands in ink. Grandaddy's drawings were some what recognizeable -- can't read his handwriting, but I made out a man in the moon sketch.

It's hard to scold a 95-year old, but I did try to tell him that probably wasn't a good idea. He was apologetic and said he'd never done it if he'd known I had a problem with it. I tried to tell him she was still trying to learn the rules of using pens, pencils, markers, etc. I found it hard to articulate without sounding like a mean ol' meanie.

I was able to show him the next day why it wasn't a good idea.